Nevertheless.

A reminder to ourselves

2011-08-08T01:22:00.002+08:00

There must have been a time in our lives when something really bad happened and all we wished is that the pain will just go away. It can be a struggle battle that you've yet to overcome, it can be what people may have done and hurt you.

That was when "There Will Be A Day" came to my mind. The lyrics goes, "There will be a day when there will be no more fear, no more pain, no more tears..."

Sounds a little depressing that we're still on earth? Don't get the song wrong. It then leads to, "But until that day, we will look to you always".

I do look forward to the day when like a boat reaching the shore, and you see the Father at the port waiting, with arms open wide. He has been expecting you.

But until that day, keep investing in the kingdom. Be faithful and always available for God's assignment to us. Your citizenship is not here on earth but in heaven. The day will come when you will hear Him say, "Welcome home my child" as He embraces you in His arms.

2011-06-27T10:45:00.003+08:00

While watching those korean drama mama serials today, I began to ask, "Will this happen to me next time?" It can be such a real thing - people who are affected by things of the past, and they begin to walk in the footsteps of their past. Just like re-enacting the scene over again, believing that they are just meant to live like that.

That was when I realised how important the 'God' factor is in our lives. The 'God' factor keeps us in check, keeps us sane. Simply because the Lord is my refuge, my shelter, my strength... He is the One who comforts when all things seem dark, He is my Reason to rejoice when day breaks.

Who is God, you may ask. Is He someone who simply dictates where I should go, what I should do, eat and drink?

And this is my 2 cents worth understanding and personal experience. He provides the guidance you need, and gives you the final decision how you would like to live. If He gives you a map and a compass, you can choose to throw it aside and call your own shots. Or you can hold on to His hands, and allow Him to gently guide you to live a life of joy and victory. That is how we were meant to live.

2011-06-07T22:21:00.002+08:00

Not the first time I learn about the fragility of life, but it's a lesson I learn from time and again.

Lord, come bless and protect the child. And for us, to even more appreciate those around us.

2011-06-06T14:57:00.001+08:00

Thank you Lord for the opportunity to serve at Teens Encounter. I think it was there that I faced up with the sense of uncertainty & insecurity.. it was there when I learnt that You have given me "not a Spirit of timidity, but a Spirit of power, of love and of sound mind" (2 Tim 1:7) That I can have the power to do what I have been tasked to do, the ability to love people whom I'm not even close to, and sound mind to plan and direct with wisdom. More importantly, thank You for the great team that I work with, people whom I can entrust tasks to do, people whom I can seek for wise advice. :) And I have been so blessed in this process by mentors who kept affirming me of what I'm doing.

I think one of the greatest gift I would really like to have for this birthday is to see breakthroughs in the lives of people, and to continue to believe that God is continually working in their lives. And not just in their lives, but in mine too! That I experience daily the freedom to live victoriously in Jesus. :)

And even when I stumble, You will not let me fall.

2011-05-16T10:59:00.003+08:00

I've been looking back at the past quite a lot lately. First came Sec1 class gathering, where we reminisce & laugh about our seating partners & teachers. Old clique began to meet up quite a bit lately, Clarissa showed me the P6 letters we used to write to each other. :D It was really looking back at ups & downs.. So much of it that my emotions are stirred. Sometimes I do wonder if it is a good thing to look back.. "Xin suan" (heart turned sour, literally) is perhaps an emotion I felt most of the time.

Perhaps it indicates that we have not totally let go of the past. Or maybe it's just old sentimental me. :)

Recently, I get the feeling that my friends call me out of convenience. Some don't even call. :( Am I being overly sensitive? And something tells me, "Get the right focus instead!" I should.

3 months later...

2011-04-17T00:20:00.002+08:00

It's been 3 months since I posted, but it had actually felt longer than that. I've gotta say much has changed and progressed these 3 months!

1: Much much more familiarised with work (but still finding it hard to talk to the adults?)
2: Leading SALTY(my Sec3 youth cell) has been a blast!

Guess I got to know more people, as well as know some people better. And sometimes still finding that there are just friends who are there for me even with so many changes and stuff. It's really comforting to having people like Khoo, Chiam and Ling around :)

Shall blog something longer another time.

How would I know if it is, or if it is not?

2011-01-26T17:47:00.002+08:00

Back from PL camp! :)

Before the camp, I felt quite sian because the high-ness from training kinda died off. Not just hesitant, but also afraid since it's my first time facilitating as a mentor in a camp (besides Youth Camp which is pretty much different in terms of demands).
I think I was quite okay on Day1, just that I felt like there was this barrier between me and my mentees, and I wasn't doing much about it. Kinda not daring enough to cross the fence. I also don't have the habit of empowering people with tasks. It makes me feel like I am ordering people around, and Mr Glenn has told me before that I shouldn't feel that way. I still tried to empower them especially since I had so much on my plate. Later that day when I had to facilitate the games, I felt stretched since I was alone with 20 students. Deniece came and gave me some feedback and got Auntie Jenny to help. I felt a little like "pride gone" but I know I needed help. Kept telling myself to have a teachable attitude rather than feeling insulted. I learnt and applied their skills the next day. I guess that's one thing I felt proud of myself.
On the second day, I tried to let things loose too. When we were doing mahjong work, I gave them more liberty to write on the mahjong paper themselves. I was quite happy with the results - in spite of limited space, most of them engaged themselves and I only needed to engage the few who are a little 'heart-not-there'. Thank God for wisdom in managing such a large group of people. :) As for our showcase, the kids really got good sense of judgment to vote for 2 of their friends to do the 'em-ceeing' and the two happen to be pretty strong leaders too! :) It really made job easier for me. Our showcase was quite a success. :D And it was staged purely by their own efforts! :) Due to limited time, I only managed to affirm some publicly in their group. There was this team spirit that I see - when I affirmed those few, the rest cheered for their friends. It was not like the kinda of spirit of "why you affirm her only". And this unique spirit is like super commendable. :D

All in all, it seemed impossible to have a 2 day camp but we did it!! :D There was the 'give-and-take' and we may have to sacrifice doing some activities due to time constraints. However, it is because of the limitations that brought out the best in us - we just couldn't waste any minute and we conquered the thought of impossibility! :)

2011-01-13T20:35:00.003+08:00

I understood 1 Cor 10:13 better today...

"There are so many distractions. And You promised to make a way out, so I believed in You."

This was my conversation with God during staff intercession, and SP encouraged us to give thanks to God.. It's a really good practice. Instead of saying, "God, give me give me", we started every sentence with "I thank You for..." And as I prayed tt, I began to thank God for the things that He has given me (what I have) rather than focus on what I dont have. :)

God is awesome yo.

2011-01-05T18:29:00.003+08:00

Hello 2011. :)

What I am really excited about now? Leave this Friday = SFC Gathering = Great time of bonding and being myself. :)

Not that I am putting on a mask. But you know, there are certain expectations that are placed on us when we are working or serving... And sometimes we really need some time to just chill and play! And I begin to appreciate more the times of just being myself before God - just as a child . :)

I heeded Cheryl Chiam's advice to list down "10 things I did well" and "10 things I struggled with" in 2010. I struggled to list down. It's like an intentional way of capsuling the year that has just passed so quickly. But it was good. I even wrote down an extra column, "10 blessings from God in 2010"... But you know, God always does more things than we think we can thank Him for. Simply put, His love and care is unconditional - even if we fail to see some blessings in our lives, He's not going to love us less. :)

10 things I want to thank God for:
1. The liberating experience at Youth Camp
2. BFC - the group of friends who have been thr much tgt
3. LEADS - learning not to think so much but depend on God's word
4. My job and pay! :)
5. Being with me thr transition and beyond - thr the grief n uncertainties
6. My boys, a rewarding ministry
7. A good supervisor who is pastoral & firm
8. My friends who have been thr A levels!
9. Love of family at home
10. My new cell group! :) Interesting sharing and caring leaders

2010-12-19T15:32:00.002+08:00

This morning, I can't help but to sing "You Are So Faithful".

Sometimes we may not know what God is doing, but we just need to know that He knows what He is doing right?

In the midst of the storm,
Through the wind and the waves,
You'd still be faithful
You'd still be faithful Lord

Happy moments

2010-11-29T16:11:00.003+08:00

Friends really add flavour to our lives. (:

Kelong trip with cell group! A lot of first times - going on a kelong in SG, sleeping on the swaying thing and waking up every now and theny, kayaking! Yay, I really enjoyed much. Partly because I always felt that so far all we have done as a cell is go into deep discussions. But there ought to be more to cell life that just that! Not bad for a first year tgt. (: I really enjoyed kayaking much! It felt like a journey twd a deserted island i.e. pulau ubin. (: And my arms ached 2 day after that. Not to mention that back at church, the projection screen seemed to sway due to the kelong "side effects". Hehe!

Meet-up with Hz, Jassy, Cher, and Jia Yi - Yay Hz congrats for losing weight! I'm still not used to it though...

Aly's birthday at the yacht! Wooh! I really enjoyed the company of our girls and so much fun we had there - balloon fight, tau-pok Aly (you girls r really heavy! kidding!), and xx's puking incident. Hehe. She is the 2nd person that I hear talking gibberish when drunk. And it's so so funny! (: Girl, you better not drink much next time!

Lunch with Wendy, Clari and Joyce (P6 cell mates!)- IKEA meatballs, awesome chicken wings, POSH brownies, seafood platter, cheese fries and bubble tea!!! Enjoyed catching up, but wish there was more time. (:

Happy birthday Cheryl Chiam!!!

I miss BFC and SFC mates. ):

2010-11-04T23:27:00.003+08:00

I'm thankful for a day's break.

I went in without much more expectation for better or for worse. I was just glad that I crossed the river, made the decision for now, after crying so much. The expression about tears falling like water tap is no joke. But really really, through the storm, we learn and we come out stronger. All that I imagined for the worst at that point of time was somewhat a lie. And if we entertain those thoughts, the lies grow to become bigger and bigger. It's like they can grow. But yet, the truth reigns, if only you would believe.

It's inevitable for people to have conflicts and misunderstandings. Sometimes, because of our concern for something, we can become insensitive to others' needs too. /= But I guess... we really learn to accept each other's flaws and still keep loving one another with the love of Christ.

Actually at that point of time, while at the table, I was really so amazed by the grace that someone else can show to me. And I realised, no other place could be like this. Really, no other place.

2010-10-25T16:39:00.003+08:00

IM FINALLY AT NEW TESTAMENT! :D

Wooh! Okay I did skip some parts of old testament and it amounted to a month or more worth. Hahaha. But it's still so good cause I forfeited last year in March. I really enjoy new testament, and I am really understanding some of the things more compared to before. (: SP's sermons on discipleship really helped so much! (: Today, I looked at my library of books, and I really wonder what other Christian literature can help me to know God's heartbeat better than the Bible? After all, it's like a first person account! (:

I enjoyed my week because of the food and stuff. Hehehe. SP's birthday so the staff went for ala carte buffet at East Coast, and it's really worth the px! (: But I guess we were all full and satisfied, which means work productivity got low when we got back to office. Hehe. (: I'm still in a mode of "don't know why I'm here" actually. But besides that, I've really gotten to know colleagues better. (: Let's just pray that the transitional feeling will be over soon.

Good meet up with BFC over at Wanhui's birthday celebration, and with SFC over at Jem and Tricia's wedding. (: But people are just busy and constrained by time so I don't feel like we really had much time to catch up and stuff. However, thinking about it again, sometimes the "having fun together" part matters most. Not about having to get into deep discussion or what all the time. I don't think my brain can take up to that stuff for now either! :D Sometimes when I go for cell discussion, I really just feel like my brain is hibernating already. ):

Chiam's email really brings a smile to my face. I had a good laugh at some parts.. I think I really need some comedy around. Kinda demotivated to do some stuff.. And sometimes looking at some things, they seem to be stagnant.. I ask myself sometimes, "where's the transformation, where's the change??" I realised I've been feeling jaded over this issue. Somewhat discouraged. But I recall a song this morning (I cant remember it now) and I decided to look to Jesus. He who is great in power and my strong tower.

2010-10-09T23:37:00.002+08:00

I really don't know how to survive at work without the bunch of girls in my office (that includes Hitomi who has been banished to the other side, but she keeps visiting us and brings life to the office!). Each of us always have our nonsense period and the rest can't help but overhear and comment. I think that's really healthy work environment. We're not drowned by our work such that we forget that people do exist. And we bring small bits of joy into each other's lives. (:

Meanwhile, I have been revisiting things that I used to do, just to remind myself that I'm still youthful and such. Hahaha. There was this crazy period that we just love to do this ballerina-klutz jump-fly thingy and taking shots of it. We look really retarded. (:

Chiam's departure has somewhat helped keep the friendship going stronger because we're emailing n stuff. Really, I guess it really took her courage to fly to China. While 6 months isn't long, and neither is it short, I really can't wait for her to return. ): But besides that, I really hope that she'd learn smth unique from her trip.. (:

I asked myself today, "Why don't you feel tired having to come to church twice a week?" At first I reasoned that it was like a routine kinda thing, but I realised it was not even that. Church has always been a place where I can really put everything down and just look to God- to who He is, and not what I'm not. (: I feel so at rest each time I come to church. And perhaps, this is something that I just can't quite find elsewhere.

2010-09-25T23:13:00.002+08:00

Hmm......... I think about it and I'm quite amazed by some things. Especially that which God does.

Personal time of worship got tough. But this few days, I feel led to sing some songs and I was just touched by the lyrics. It doesn't happen just sometimes. Many times, God has spoken to me through songs and I just know it wasn't me.

My one year bible is now at the book of Ezra! :D One of my fav books since we did the prayer n fast booklet. :D I always feel excited when I read it again and again. :D

You know, recently I just feel like we are always doing . doing . doing . And I really ask myself. What on earth am I really doing all these for. I was brought back to a basic truth. All for Jesus. This life has never meant to be about me, but about Jesus. When the day comes, I hope people will not commend me because of myself, but because of how He has always been with me.

And there are times when God just wants me to wait.

But now's the time for me to sleep.

2010-09-20T13:54:00.002+08:00

I shall think of happy things. (:

Yesterday was good. Good sign up rates for this talk we're in charge of, great time of prayer which I didn't expect, and I signed up for skype so that I can see cheryl chiam online. (: Had a once-in-a-month family dinner which my family is trying to implement. but we learnt yesterday that Sunday isn't the ideal day. too many ppl queuing etc. Found a dress that I particularly like because the cutting is super nice! (: but it's black. Don't know if I should wear that for weddings.. Conservative thought. Hehehe.

Sat was good too. Cynthia wasn't around so I was the only leader there. Was a little unsure about myself.. But I just asked God for courage to lead. (: Some of these seemingly small things we ask for and foolishly wonder if it matters to Him as well. But we know we desperately need Him.. and He does answer prayers because. the Lord is my helper. that's where my help comes from. Catch up with lingjia was good- our dramatic little nonsense when we discuss about some things. (: Few friends whom I feel comfortable with.

I decorated my workplace because staff commented it was so 'work'. Sorry perfectionists tend to take longer time cause we want things to look perfect. And to look perfect needs some preparation. Haha. Okay lah, so to surprise them I just took pictures and stuff toy I didn't know I had from home. That includes sammie's 18th bday present for me-- a handmade picture frame which I adore because it's so sincere and sweet. (: I still remember my birthday fell on CU camp, and the cake they bought. (: Miss SFC friends. ):

2010-09-05T18:24:00.002+08:00

Two weeks since work at church office. So far, so good. (: Only that I need to decorate my work station asap so that it will be a more colorful place to work in. I should buy glossy paper to try out on my photo printer. (:

Everyone seems to be happy for me that I'm working in church office. I'm glad that I'm taking this one year to cultivate some discipline (e.g. read up more, intercede), think, rest and gain some exposure on youth work. So actually, I'm not wasting my time.

In fact, the most fulfillng part of work these two weeks was meeting youths and interacting with them. It's a love-hate relationship- out of comfort zone and yet fulfilling. (: And it's not so hard to relate with them since secondary school years are still fresh in my mind. I still remember what Auntie Ivy told me when I shared with her about my decision to work in youth church. "It's rare for a youth to want to work with other youths, but it's going to be impactful." (something like that (; )

Ya, I do miss studying. But I guess.. circumstances change, God doesn't. (:

Jem's wedding coming soon! (: Really looking forward to it and to meeting up with great friends!

2010-08-14T12:52:00.002+08:00

Please Only You- Steven Curtis Chapman.

So here I go again, again
I've let myself get spread so thin
I can see right through my skin
And I don't like what I'm finding in my heart
So many different voices call
And I try hard to please them all
I run in circles til I fall
So I'm falling on my knees and praying

Please, please, please only You, only You
Please, please, please take my heart and make it true
Let everything I say and everything I do
Please, please only You
Please only You

For every moment of my time
For every thought that fills my mind
For every melody and rhyme
This is the prayer that I'll be praying

This is what it means to be
The reason why I live and breathe
To know that I am totally existing for Your pleasure
I'm still learning but I know
As this becomes my only goal
The more I find my heart and soul is filled up with joy
When I, I please only You
I please only You
Please only You

This totally speaks of what I'm thinking and feeling now.. I really can't say more. It's like 99.9999% similar to what I'm thinking. Lord, make my goal to please only You.

2010-07-24T22:15:00.003+08:00

Let me tell you abt my awesome week.

I only had one day of work cause I have supposedly resigned, but my sup asked me to extend for another week i.e. next week. Two rest days and when I went back to work, I felt like I really missed the kids somehow. (: Still thinking whether I shld extend.

Ecp with sammie on tues. I felt like totally unfit can. I think it had something to do with the resistance thing so I kinda managed to fix it. Good thing if not I wld have 'pengsan' by the time we reached carls jnr. Great portobello they serve there. Generous servings! (: It was gd time catching up with our dear princess.

Alfresco with jem matt rach sammie at rach's ywam base! (: Thanks for teaching me how to make a new dish. (::: Really enjoyed the fellowship and catch up with them. I really really thank God for these priceless friends that I've made. They have really been a great blessing. And even when jem was talking about some stuff at mos burger, it really reminded me of the old days. Hahaha thanks jem for what you share from your heart. (:

I think I'm more or less settled on what I really want to do.. as I had been really exploring choices between mass comm and social work. While it had been killing of a time, I really learnt a lot about God's heartbeat for me and myself. How He has freely given me the liberty to choose, and how I need to know that He has filled me with His full measure of love and grace. I'll continue to pray about it, and it's time to move from my temporary station and cross over the river. (:

2010-07-07T21:56:00.002+08:00

Well the One who's gone before me, He will help me carry on.
-Mountain of God

Mac Powell, your voice still rules. (: I've heard nice songs that I wished he was the one singing it. It wld have more 'omph', at least to me it will.

I just finished doing character teaching! (: It's this every wednesday thing that a teacher is assigned to talk abt a character trait for the month. And you have to be like broken tape recorder and repeat from P1 to P3 classes. I was kinda unwilling to do cause' kinda scary. But I guess it wld be a good experience before I leave in two weeks time. And it'd look nice on my resume too. (: And my fears were unfounded. It wasn't very difficult to carry out the lessons and good sense of accomplishment. The very familiar feeling each time when I overcome what I wld prefer not to do.

Had a meet up with Pastor Ruth. Exploring choices, thinking of working in youth office. It always ends up talking about whatever I was going through and stuff. I think after the meet up, I made a resolution to really tune in to God. Encounter weekend has come at a right time. And I'm so grateful for it. It's like really good retreat for the soul. Or so I anticipate. (:

Kahwan's leaving and now the cell still has two strong female leaders. :D Hopefully God will persuade Cynthia to stay on (Hehe) and a guy leader better come and save the day. Else I'd be like in a deep pool can. Haha. Oh well. Time to watch glee. (:

2010-06-28T11:47:00.002+08:00

Tired ttm. My blog thoughts look so organised. The very fact is that I actually have a lot more to say than I write. And I compress and cut out more than just the frills. This makes blogging a little no point sometimes. So much for self-censorship.

Anyway, me being tired has nothing to do with the blog. Just perhaps been out for more than I can take it. Don't like this feeling at all. Everywhere's aching and it's not something sleep can seem to solve. And this year seems to have been going too fast.. Half a year is gone! Last year felt like a snail's race.

Came back from church camp the other day. It was really great. Hanging out with those we don't usually do in church. Getting to know people. Catching up with old friends. And God really encouraged me through people's prayers for me. I really gotta say since the uni rejections, I have been going through this rollercoaster of emotions. Especially when I feel like all is lost, He tells me that He will never leave nor forsake me. (Heb 13:6) I'd just like to share this chorus from a song with friends who are feeling alone or afraid. This is the promise He has for you and me.

Safe-Phil Wickham

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

Got to know this song through lifecon this year. Though it didn't stand out to me then, I believe God deposited the song somewhere in my mind because He knew I'd need it. And I'm really grateful for friends who have been there to encourage me. (:

2010-06-06T22:47:00.002+08:00

Sigh at transitions. Everyone seems to be looking forward to church camp. (: I guess we are tired of this new life. Working, army etc. I really miss studying life, and I hope it's not too late to appreciate the life of a student. Cheap bus fares and student meals. We have been so sheltered that perhaps some feel like they have just been thrown out into the deep sea and have to learn to swim by themselves. They say it's either break or bend. Well, we'd definitely experience both the break and the bend. It's just what is your response I guess. I choose to run to His familiar arms of grace and love.

Oh well, there's always so much more to celebrate in life! Like my birthday. Muahaha. I didn't countdown to my birthday or what. But I'm really really grateful to cell mates (this term really sounds like we're jail birds on the loose) who celebrated my birthday. And my cell boys were so sweet that my heart melted. Haha. But most importantly, I'm thankful to God for family, friends and leaders who show their love and concern for me more than just on special days. (:

2010-05-26T23:28:00.003+08:00

Well, I had my wisdom tooth taken out. (: I'm so proud of myself for being the queen of pain endurance (at least in my own eyes). Haha! Well honestly, I was trembling and whatnot as my dentist shared with me about the procedures and stuff. But he was really a great help man. I could tell that he was trying hard to distract me from my anxiety by chatting with my empty shell. Haha. Kidding. But one thing he said is very true. "The fear of the unknown..." (And my mind went off to somewhere else) I seriously called out for God in my mind man. Wanted to escape or change my mind last min. Oh well, it wasn't as scary as I thought. The drilling and stitching was quite fun in fact. I'm sorry for being sucha sadist. ):

When we feel stretched or like everything's just against us, perhaps it isn't just an endurance test. It's an indication for us to respond to God by simply giving it all to Him.

2010-05-17T22:52:00.003+08:00

I was watching this show on how to deal w rebellious kids and gained a tip or two. Muahaha. After being at PRAISE, I really salute people working at student/child cares and all the noble mums! I have really learnt so much. And hopefully I will be toughened and not be so soft-hearted when it comes to disciplining the children. It's really a toughie and I take back my word that I'm ready for motherhood! Haha! But I gotta say the kids were quite well-behaved today. There's just this progress that I see, or imagined. Well, time will prove.

Just recalling what happened recently..

Xiaoxian's birthday! I've finally gotten a chance to celebrate with her. Just feels like I cldn't make it for the past few years. And it's been more than one year since I've seen her I think! I'm not exaggerating. It's so ouch. But I'm glad that she's doing fine. (: And we had much fun at pitstop cafe, one of those games cafe. And steamboat with the girls. Xx and I kept dropping our chopsticks somehow. Okay random fact. (:

Marcus' choir concert yesterday! It's so weird because I'm like going there to support my cell boy. First time for me. In the past it was to support Joyce's never-ending no of handbell and er-hu concerts. (: I think I went partly because it's cat high and that means the standard is still there. I tried closing my eyes and the sop boys still sounded like girls. No doubt, I had the same chills when I heard them few years ago in an exchange program. (:

2010-05-02T18:23:00.004+08:00

Hello (: I had a pretty good week.

Some slow tv updates
Unplanned 'bonding' with family over A Moment of Truth. This tv show that asks really crazy questions. Like really 'ouch' questions. And they have several levels and a lie detector to pass the contestant. The contestants have to answer questions related to their family members; things which they would have never revealed. Oh man I won't want to earn that money. At the end I would probably end up with tons of money and a strained relationship.
Oh and I finally found out the name of the girl whose voice I was so mesmerised with during the American Idol Hollywood Week: Didi Benami. When she sang Terrified, my heart melted. It was so nice. Everyone should check it out.
And the cowboys were awesome at Amazing Race. Can't wake up in the morning so I watched the midnight episode. But it's so worth the wait. (:

Met up with Jas, Sam and Hz yesterday! Like finally. It's been so long and I really really enjoyed being with them. Like Samuel who is still as nonsensical as ever. These are friends whom I really can go crazy with. (: God has really blessed me with many great wonderful friends in my life. We went to the helix bridge which was really quite a sight. Im actually quite amazed by how little lights can actually make the place bright. (now that sounds interesting) And our hungry stomaches brought us to the flyer but there's like no food there. Popeyes 5.90 promotion really works. There was still a long queue at 9+pm. So we walked to Marina SQ for dinner but by that time shops were closing. Btw, hotpot culture sounds like a nice and affordable place to dine in. What a long day of walking. Conclusion? I've exercised. (:

Stacia's wedding was really nice! (: It's sucha joy to see people getting married. And I hope one day I'd understand how people can make a love commitment to "be faithful to each other till death do us part"? I think it's really lovely.

2010-04-21T22:57:00.005+08:00

Yesterday was a nice day well-spent with Rach and Uncle Matt. Though just for an hour or two, something that Matt (I'm conscious about titles now) spoke to me helped me. No wonder the pursuit for degree in counselling. Hahah. It seriously helped me to discard a thought that has been revolving in my mind. (: Oh, and my Dark Mocha did help too (;

Yesterday has zero 'O's. Today has one 'O'. Tomorrow has more. Look forward, not back.
Legend: O = opportunity

Well the past few weeks...
1. Easter drama: Sorry super late update huh. The theme was on decisions we make and don't make in life. Pretty good. I think that was my first time doing a drama performance. Hehe it's like a secret interest I think. I might try out Theatre Studies as an elective if FASS wants me. (:
2. Equipping: Really interesting! I enjoyed learning simple observation skills when I do my Bible Study. Honestly it does take discipline not to just dive into the word but take some painstaking efforts to study the word. (:
3. PC: New teacher came. So Teacher Christine and I take the P1s together. I'm teaching them Eng. (: They are really much more manageable. (: I think I really enjoy what I'm doing now. And Madelene asked me to help set the SA2 paper and think of what to do for Fathers' Day craft. Makes me consider the teaching career..

A friend once told me he sees passion in my eyes. I really hope that I will always have passion in everything I do, even in the seemingly boring routines! (:

2010-03-30T23:59:00.002+08:00

I was just reading on 1Sam14 this morning. There were many well-known characters: Jonathan the really great friend, Saul the king, Samuel the prophet. But what really struck me was when the armour-bearer who was with Jonathan said to him, "Do all that you have in mind. Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul." The team with two-man strength defeated the 20-odd enemy team. Will I be able to say that too? That, "God, I am with you heart and soul." Wow.

Headed to see Life Con FD2 last sunday. It felt weird going there as a spectator. Really. I thought I could see past shadows of our batch, here and there, preparing for EW/LC. It was so fun. (: Those days.. Kinda wish that it was back. It was like one of the highlights in my life. I know there is more in store in the future. But EW/LC journey has truly been a blessing in my life. I'm sure of that. Anw, I believe this year's gonna be a blast! (: It was nice to see some of the people but less catching up compared to during Prep camp. Got to know some people like Abigail the harmonising machine. Haha. (:

Meanwhile the experience at PC is really good. Not easy, challenging, but good. There are times when I want to give up on a few... but I always remember when Madelene told them that she will not give up on them. Her words gave me an energy boost. I always remind myself to let the kids know that though I scold them, I still love them. Tmr's my last day with the P3s... ): Gonna get a treat for them. (: And pray that the new teacher will be able to help them! I really want to see these kids grow up to be great and useful people.

2010-03-27T01:23:00.004+08:00

Hello! First thing: I'm really duper duper sad that I couldn't make it for gathering with clique. Miss them real bad. Esp hz and sam. Hadn't seen them for a serious long while. ):

Oh on a lighter note. I'm going to perform for Easter Drama at church! Hahah it's the most unexpected role I wld think of for myself. But they thought I fitted well for the role. I don't know whether to be happy or sad. Haha. But all in all, glory goes to God! Come support me leh. Hahah! (:

I think I really love meetups esp if food is involved. The other day met up with Rach, Kel, Aloy and Samu for BCM. Thank you Kelvin for the ride! :D Then book of Eli with Rach and Victor. A bit disappointed. But not the show's fault but rather I kinda knew the plot from a friend already. ): And I really agree that the show seemed quite short. I believe it's because they kept filming the guy walking and walking. Hahah. And vic was so slow to get that the guy was blind. Like after the show? Haha! Had popeyes with Joyce and Chiam just now. Chiam was sharing about her Shangri-la buffet. ): It sounded so nice and tempting k! Okay, next time I get my first paycheck I will go. :D

And yesyes I finally applied for my uni. I think I really want to go FASS. Anw I really don't like the applying process. Needa print this, send that. ): Tsktsk.

Lastly, my dear kids. I didn't address them as that. Xiying likes to go, "How are your kids? Hahahah." Evil laughter. Hahaha (: The p3s are still running around like it's a free country with no government (i.e. me). The usually good ones are getting a little naughty. Think that's the disturbing part. They learn easily from friends' behaviour. I feel bad for scolding the children. But well it's for the discipline. Oh they're getting a new male teacher. (Apparently there's only 5 girls and the rest are boys.) So I'd be going off to p1s to assist Teacher Christine. I thought I cld run away from marking, but nope. ): Jiayou! =D God grant me patience and love!

2010-03-14T17:29:00.003+08:00

My foot's aching. And I really don't know why. But I guess it's good reason to get a new comfy pair of shoes. :D (Oh man like the Adidas casual which Jassy and I were eyeing on. But we figured the padding won't last for long. Smart consumers. (: )

I finished reading splendid suns. (: But everytime after reading this kinda lit, my mind will really fly away, dreamy and tired from the reading marathon. Splendid suns is on Afghanistan and it really helps you to learn a little about their culture there. For example, some females are made by their husbands to wear the burqa, which I think most Singaporean girls will really find it hard to survive wearing. I checked on the net, it's really like literally wrapping yourself from head to toe. Interesting.

Am quite worn out from the week. Thank God for always replenishing strength! (:

I forgot to blog about A levels. I think I was more concerned about both results and how I would react. I got a CCC/A. So I suppose I feel like I'm hanging in the mid-air. Not very good, not very bad. I was thankful for Econs and Geog because I really thought I would do quite badly for it. History was sad-- I put in much effort into it. As for Math, I think I can accept the result since I had been more concerned about my Humanities. Most importantly, I thank God for my results. It's an act of my will to say, "God I trust You. For whatever the results, I know Your plans for me is good." However, I was still upset, almost ashamed to share my results. I spent one noon pouring my heart out to Him--how much I want to thank Him and yet still have this funny feeling. He helped me to see that my worth is really not found in my results. Because I had been convinced that my results= me. But not so to God. For that, I thank Him too. (: Such lessons/convictions can't be bought. We really need Him to help us out of all the negative thoughts we have of ourselves and of our circumstances.

2010-03-09T21:19:00.004+08:00

Khaled Hosseini is one of the awesome-nest writer I know. I remember when I read his 'The Kite Runner', I teared at the part when the protagonist lost his dad or something; he had done something really bad and didn't get to apologise. I'm reading 'A Thousand Splendid Suns' now. I know that sounds pretty late because the library's quite funny. They stocked up a row of kite runner books and only has one splendid sun which people keep hogging onto until I felt fed up to even go check. Heh. (: And for splendid suns, I teared when Miriam said, "I used to worship you" to her dad. )::: It's funny cause' I don't really know if I've experienced that before. But the author's writing is just so well built up that you can feel how the protagonist felt. Noyce. [what Rach would say. btw, we haven rent our kite runner dvd yet.]

Working at PC is a challenge. I guess every job has its joys and woes. (: I'm taking the P3/P4 class and they are really super hyper. And there are times when I really wanna give them a break too because some of them really deserve it. They study so hard. And there is a minority few whom I talk to until my throat's dry. "Go back to your seat!", "Stop running around!", "I give you 5 sec, if you don't keep that I'm going to confiscate it." etc. At the rate that I'm raising my voice, I wonder if I will be able to hit higher notes by then. Oh well, but they're really an adorable bunch. Especially when they say/sing grace. I'm in a dilemma. Haha.
Oh today one of the boy was so cute! "Teacher, why your hair so long?" which is a super how-do-i-reply-you kinda qn. (: And there's a pair of identical twins in my class! I ask one of them, "Is that your brother?" and he said, "Ya, how do you know?" Hahah! (:

Wooh. Speaking of kites. We had zonal bonding and went to the buangkok field to fly kites. Woohoo! It's like my first experience. And I think it's really fun! :D

Anyway, think I know what I wanna study for uni. (: God, help me!

2010-03-03T23:04:00.002+08:00

I was munching my Ritz biscuits when I thought maybe I should open up a popcorn stand or snacks bar outside school hall on Friday. Help the people divert their attention to the food. It'd be good money making opportunity too. Haha. Just kidding. (: I guess for me, I want to really remember God's sovereignty and grace in whatever the situation. (:

Am working at Praise Connection now. It's a student care if some didn't catch my prev post. The sup is kinda like training me and YM to teach or something. I really look up to the P1 teacher man. She really get the kids to be disciplined and have a sense of ownership in what they do. Cool teacher.

Did I mention how thrilling it is to have 'off' days?

2010-03-01T12:29:00.002+08:00

Hello hello. Ya know, I feel like I'm talking to the air here. But I just like to blog and entertain myself a little. Haha. (:

Kinda just returned from prep camp. Me and lois decided in advance to stay over for the 2nd night. For me, because I felt bad that I can't go for the entire camp. Heh. I think I really enjoyed being there to just help out wherever I can. We did the ew stuff till around 4am. Haha. We didn't get the 'chief slaves' title for nothing. But I really gotta commend the juniors for their 'when there's a will, there's a way' spirit. Even our batch also not hiong. And they even had chocolate fondue for supper! Zai or what. (: Anyway, joined them for sun worship before I flew back to own church. I realised that I really like those songs that quote scripture. While songs which are more expressive are good too.

Hm what defines 'a better choice/decision'? Sometimes I think our definition of 'better' is quite thwarted. Like high-paying jobs is better. Not that they are not true, they may be sometimes. I guess my definition of 'better' is when the presence of God goes with me. When I am walking in His ways.

2010-02-24T21:41:00.003+08:00

Today is a fulfilling day because I went back to school.

Okay that doesn't sound right. It's fulfilling because of the people I met up with! (: We had morning prayer and my occupational hazard to find a stranger to pray with acted up. And my juniors' normal reaction when they saw me? Jaw drop. Haha! I seriously miss my dear jolene. I really enjoyed encouraging her sadistic tendency. Haha. But we didn't have much time to catch up but soon I guess. (:
Headed for mentors' room. Seriously, coming back to sch feels more like going to the playground this time. The place is so familiar to you, there's so many memories there, and most importantly, you're not going back to study. (: Saw this year's p&f booklet. Think they put in so much effort into it. Each year is really unique on its own. (:
Saw Mr Tan! He has 68 essays to mark now. Haha. Seriously, thank you Mr Tan for your super constructive comments at the end of our essays. I just don't know how you can just look, scan, tick tick, then think, and finally give us your input. It seems so natural for you. (: I will not just type in this blog. I'll tell you soon. A level results. Haha.
Then bkfast with jem and kelvin. (: Actually I dont think the prawn noodles very nice. Except the soup.

Today is just a happy but nostalgic day for me. (:

I guess this is to Mac Powell fans i.e. Rachel. I was listening to Steven Curtis' 'Believe Me Now' and suddenly I heard this very familiar voice in the background. The low, deep voice that makes you go 'I-can't-sit-still-anymore'. There was one particular part which I knew it was him. It's so his style. (: I don't know why I'm typing this either.

2010-02-20T12:07:00.002+08:00

Hello CNY. (:

I never really liked new year because it's so weird meeting some relatives whom you really meet once a year. It's good and bad, but sometimes I wish we learn to meet up more intentionally than just on CNY. Maybe I will make sure family ties are tighter in my generation. Eh well, it will be a lot easier. Fewer relatives by then since people do not give birth to 11 kids nowadays. Thank God it was easier to talk to the relatives this year. My aunties keep asking me to share with them about our Kalimantan trip. Haha. (:

And oh, I managed to borrow two books- a novel and this book by Malcolm Gladwell. (: I've been kinda enforcing this reading thing on myself. It requires a great deal of discipline, but easier since I have much free time now, and they're things I enjoy but are tiring.

Oh met up with Ben and Samu the other day for Percy Jackson. It's one of the shows that I find worth the $10. (: Quite a thriller for me and I really pity those two beside me cause when I'm shocked, I'm really shocked i.e pretty responsive. When I'm at home watching thrillers, I would stamp my feet at the exciting parts and jump a little. Then I'd hear background voices i.e. my mum grumbling at me. Haha! (: Yup great time catching up with them.

Went to Auntie Sharon's and Joe's house the next day. I realised I can't play poker. ): I drank so much water. (our 'bet')

2010-02-12T00:08:00.003+08:00

I had quite a fulfilling week though the week has not yet come to an end.

Meeting up with Rach and Sammie just for sesame chicken lunch, sharing or simply pouring out all that I can that will be helpful for their mission trip. I'm just so excited and my dear girls, I will be praying for you! May God enable you to do greater things and be blessed in this trip! (=

And also meeting up with my dear 4E2 girls. I seriously miss you girls alot and super enjoyed catching up with you girls, though quite briefly. So interesting to see you girls having a taste of corporate world, which gives me a little headache as to where to go. Hahaha. But it's a good headache.

We had mission trip debrief today. Uncle Daniel gave us an 'appraisal'. Felt quite encouraged. I'm really thankful to God because He has put in me this desire for His word. Even though I think there was a time when I felt like I'm losing the passion, and I asked for it again and received it. For that, I really thank God. Anyway, I think I really miss LEADS already, and the wonderful people in it. Did the mission trip article. Zephan must have thought that I've lost my marbles. But it's okay. (= Happens only when I'm quite tired. Met up with Wan Hui to talk about some stuff. I feel so much better and clearer after talking! Thanks Wan Hui for your advice and opinions everytime I turn to you for help. (=

Meanwhile I needa catch up on my reading which I am way off and slack a while more before I go find a job. (= And I wanna get my steven curtis chapman cd........ Woohoo!

2010-02-08T22:59:00.002+08:00

Hi everyone! Yup I'm back safe and sound! This mission trip can be summed up as a truly awesome encounter of God's reality in our lives. (: We had so much fun with the kids and the village people were so hospitable. They even bring big hangers and helped us to sweep our porch. (: And we were glad to be able to bless them and play games with them. Anyway when we were back home on the speedboat, it broke down. We really prayed and it was really getting dark. Thank God that He brought us back on shore safely in the end! =D We now learn not from the textbook that nothing is impossible for Him. We learn it in life. (:

Anyway, LEADS is over and I really miss them already. I really thank God for being with us while we were studying, being equipped and all. He really helped me so so much.

The Lord indeed is our Helper.

2010-01-28T22:40:00.005+08:00

Thank God that it came! =DDDDDD (LEADS people will know)

I was so excited that I was jumping up and down at the most inappropriate place and I bet daphne thought I went nuts. Ohhhh yeah!

I'm supposed to feel info overload but my mind is a little blocked. This isn't good since there're many things that I need to do and require an organised mind. I wish I could get dividers for my thoughts but I guess it doesn't quite work that way. Well, nonetheless, I thank God that everytime I sit down intentionally, my mind will begin to focus on what is essential at that point of time. (:

I've been missing quite a few gatherings and I really feel quite bad. Which is why I made sure I went for 4e2 gathering despite the super late timing that I can make it. It was good to catch up a little with people like Juvenal and Bryan. I always enjoy catching up with people. Really thank God that I didn't feel enstranged from the people despite not having met up with them often. A problem that I'm pretty afraid of.

Anyway, it was exciting this week cause' we're attached to student care centres. I'm down at PRAISE connection in North Vista primary with the P2s and they're really an adorable bunch. During the first day, I was just like any youth jumping around but the next day, I realised that I can't compare myself with these kids. They're just too energetic! Some of them drew things for me, some always pull me across the room to help them with hw, some are naughty ttm, and some simply make noise everyday and give little heed to my nagging. But one thing that I can never grasp is their amazing skill of accepting people fast. On my first day, the kids were already so open to me. And when I see them quarrel, they seem quite okay the next day. Cool.

Off for mission trip next week from 1st to 5th Feb! (: I believe God has great things in store for us and the people there!

2009-12-23T20:25:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry for late updates because I've either been busy or I just don't quite feel like blogging at all. Well, my week has been pretty good.

Got to know my LEADS friends quite well and it's just our 4th week studying and working together. This is probably one of the first rare times getting to know people so quickly. We went to celebrate Reuben's birthday the other day. Blindfolded him and some of them led him all the way from church office to Dhoby Ghaut. It was hilarious, especially with his "crown of shame" as he describes it. It's a board that declares it's his birthday and at the back "Give me a kiss". Thanks to ym's creativity. (= Then this group of guys at Cathay went, "Hey zachary! Your kind leh. Give him a kiss!" which reminded me of Lewis and gang when they used to keep fooling around. Haha. I personally feel that I took quite a while to open up to my friends though. This two weeks were better. Just somehow, I can't be myself so easily in a different environment. Sometimes I'm quite amazed by how some friends can be so adaptable. But I've grown to accept that we all have different characters and it's really alright.

Christmas party with cell was great. We're all splitting/multiplying next year and it takes quite a while for me to reconcile with the facts. We invited our future cell leaders, which I thought was really a nice thing to do. Sophia's and Joyce's friends came along too. (= Oh anyway I'm glad that my second attempt at making sushi turned out quite okay. Wooh! Cell evaluation was good. Maybe because I love to share and hear from others too. I think we'd really miss each other.

Cycling with evelyn and rach was great and we covered quite a long distance! Feel the sense of accomplishment but I don't think I'd touch the bike for a few months. It was so tiring! Hehe. Thanks evelyn for the treat! I'm really glad to meet up with you girls and talk about some pretty deep issues. (=

2009-12-07T13:23:00.002+08:00

I can't believe I'm missing prom. )= It's okay, I'll invest the money on other things.

2 simple reminders:
-We can never try to feel bad/repay for every wrong thing we've done.
-And precisely because it's too much for us to bear, Jesus came to take the weight of our guilt!
Life was never designed to be bitter.

Good week but rather tiring. I'm praying to be more observant and to gain more insight on things, knowing that two months will fly by quickly. Attachment at Youth Office has helped me to overcome my fear of phone calls. Haha!
Oh but I'm pretty sad that I missed out on clique's gathering and prom. Two good times to catch up with old friends. Hope we can meet up real soon again. (:

2009-12-03T17:34:00.003+08:00

"When I go down the mountains, and get back to my life,
I won't settle for ordinary things"
-Show Me Your Glory by Third Day (of course (;)

This part of the lyrics really speaks for me even as Youth camp is over. Just want to really thank God for being with us, which we felt very strongly during camp. I agree that the second night was awesome, but I would really say that God is with us all the time! I guess camps really help as a form of retreat from whatever we're doing.. It's a good draw-away from life, and a good time to "go up the mountains" and seek Him in a deeper way! And indeed there was a lot of prayers put into the camp preparation.

Anyway, there were many breakthroughs, for example, for the hurting. I really experienced the healing of emotional scars/hurts caused by circumstances or people around. With deeper conviction that God is able to heal us.. because He has died on the cross and rose on the third day victoriously. If He can overcome death, how immeasurably more can He heal those who are hurting! (:

Even as we "go down the mountains", may we always choose not to settle for ordinary things. God has plans which will prosper us and not harm us! If we will choose to be led.

2009-11-24T22:34:00.002+08:00

A levels felt like a dream. (Pardon me.)

I've gotta say there was so much more that could be put in but with the limited time plus all the exam adrenaline, I know I did my best. And this was my goal so that I won't spend the rest of my holidays moaning or filled with any regrets. However tempted I am to keep having flashbacks and beat myself up for "not doing THE best" rather than MY best- the typical human reaction- I guess I am going to just move on and continue to give my best in all that I do.

An update on life. Decided to join LEADS and got through the interview. It's a two month intensive leadership training in church. To be very honest, I'm joining with pretty little understanding of what will happen but I guess I felt comfortable making the decision... and there's this expectancy within me to bring much back from it! =D (A feeling which I thought was pretty normal but on a second thought, maybe not!) Can't wait to blog more about it soon. (:

The after-A's feeling. I wanted to spend this week well since the training is going to take up quite a bulk of my time. So far so good. Especially today. Sophia came to my house and we made sushi.. not bad for a first time attempt. Just felt like making so that we can do something for our class gathering. (: And it was so great just spending time with them. Think I'm gonna make that for BFC christmas party. =D I love to cook though it may not taste as fantastic for now. Heh.

2009-11-12T19:49:00.003+08:00

Looyee, you're just one cm away from friday. (:

Sammie prayed for me before my Geog paper. I like the way she viewed exams- like it's an offering of worship to God. After my math paper, I was grumbling within about pathetic question 1. But I paused and thought, what can I say, if You are pleased with this offering of worship?
I thank Him for He looks at my heart and not my results.

2009-11-06T18:25:00.002+08:00

Some things which I want to pen down quick before I forget.

The other day.. An idea dropped into my head to gather some friends together for prayer. I hesitated cause it was near to A's but I'm glad I did it. Especially thankful for Rach, Victor and Cheese for doing the word and worship, and everyone who came. We really had a great time! It was more than just preparing our hearts for A levels, but really encouraging one another in our walk with God. Life is really more than just about studies..
Jem asked me about how we set the prayer fast content. And I couldn't quite remember and I didn't really blog it down in details.. Hmm. Which makes me think.. We really need to learn to journal down these minute details in life that matter.

All the best to all for A's! (:

2009-10-29T11:03:00.003+08:00

Camp David Peace Treaty.

Oh yes, I'm about to reach the end. I think the thing some of my friends and I feel is mutual. Especially Sophia. We really supported each other during this two years, spurring each other on. Think I'd miss her a lot. And she made sure I invite her to my wedding next time. Haha.

History is officially my best friend for the past few days. Had mock paper. When I postpone the intl paper last night due to lack of preparation, I thought I could almost float in my bubble of joy. (: I'm glad Ms Chan came to bring conviction in my heart that I've neglected Math again. Alright Math, I'll try to get to know you better. Even though sometimes you're quite weird for a friend. I thought we used to know each other so well.

Lunch with family. Time spent with family has been more regular. (:

1 Cor 15:50,57
I declare to you, brothers, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable.
But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

This verse really brought comfort to my heart and mind.

2009-10-18T12:37:00.004+08:00

One thing that I'm definitely going to do after A's is go for a food binge! =D But as yet, I can't quite find a friend who is as hungry..

Farewell assembly was nice.. really nicer than I've ever thought. Singing the school hymn for a last time, photos with the class, the really wonderful gifts from teachers. It almost felt like children's day. And I was really encouraged by my teachers' notes. I'm like a notes person i.e. words of affirmation work better than a car key. (I hope so, since I've never received a car key in my life. Heh.) Or rather, I re-read the notes you give to me at least 3 times on the day you give me. And time with exco and class was really great. Love the class video! Haha. (:

Maybe I will marry someone who can cook.. Like get them for a cooking audition or something. Kidding. (:

2009-10-08T18:52:00.002+08:00

I will not be afraid of Math.. I'd bite the Math paper to prove it. (:

2009-10-03T10:35:00.003+08:00

I look back at Block Test 1 and I don't know why I'm laughing nervously within.

"So there I was, still feeling upset about my studies (as though that one lousy attempt should mark me down)..." June 21

If one falls and never picks him/herself up, that is when he/she truly fails. This is a very cliche line that always appear in dramas, but it is very true. I really thank God for picking me up, and for the people around me who never fail to drop a word of encouragement to spur me.
Block Test 2 was a hurdle for the mind and heart, but I made it. I wanted to improve for Prelims, and I did it. Indeed, when I am weak, He makes me strong.
Oh Lord, guard my heart and my mind from the fear and anxiety that try to creep in to steal my peace. I pray this for my brothers and sisters-in-Christ too, that You will put in us the spirit of love, of power, of sound mind and of discipline. May our friends also be encouraged by our lives. In Jesus' name, amen! (:

word of life

2009-09-30T18:56:00.004+08:00

Romans 8:32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

This verse really assured me that God is for me. He doesn't withhold good things and I have to trust Him for whatever He is doing. It isn't really like people give pressure to me. But the past week, I have been "fear-struck" (I can't think of a better word) and it just paralyses me when I think about A levels.
And this verse really made me think- of how real the cross is and how real the love of the Father is! (:
Thank You for this love.

2009-09-25T21:40:00.002+08:00

It's one of my happy coffee days again.. (:

I really feel proud of myself of cutting down on coffee, chilli and fried food. Like really cutting down. Sometimes I even feel sick looking at the latter.

Back to school kinda days. I guess I don't feel that lousy because I spent my time well before it's time for me to get some momentum, somehow. Especially the dead sea scrolls outing. It was totally awesome! =D Was just looking at some of the photos which Rach took and the i-cant-believe-im-staring-at-it feeling was back. I think it was love at first sight for me and the handwritten bibles-especially the older than old English one. It was so so beautiful. How I wish I can own one. Although the things for us to view was a little limited, I can just take a long time admiring each of the exhibits. (and we can probably bring the ideas to Easter Week next year. haha!) Really wish I could stay there longer. And I think the guide helped us to understand the exhibits a lot better.

So anyway, Sophia and I have been cheering each other to keep the fire going. (: And once in a while we go, "The fire gone so fast." Haha. Got back some of our prelims results. Thus far, I've improved quite a lot but my Math slipped cause I didn't focus much. Heh. But I've been taking it optimistically. The aim I had for this exam was: improve. So I guess there wasn't any unrealistic pressure on myself. And now the final lap- the term they use all the time but I don't see how 'final' it is. Haha.

Each time handing my worries to Him again. (: Thank You for Your faithfulness.

2009-09-17T21:56:00.003+08:00

If you can't find nice books, go find Max Lucado. He can be really witty in what he say and I never get bored of his books. I can't quite put an excerpt here else he might sue me though. )= But I guess I can briefly describe.
----------------------------------------------------------------

He first described two scenes of a boy building sandcastles and a man in the business world building on his career. Both with a few similarities- making something out of nothing, really determined and hardworking. For the boy, he knew the waves would come, and he claps his hands as he sees the waves draw near. But the man, he hovers over his 'sandcastle' and defiantly says 'it's mine'.

"The ocean need not respond. Both know to whom the sand belongs."

Left on his hands are the remains. Had he listened- not that no one has told him. All things cease to an end someday.

Lucado ends the story with these lines, "Go ahead and build, but build with a child's heart. When the sun sets and the tides take-applaud. Salute the process of life, take your father's hand, and go home."

------------------------------------------------------------

We take pride in our studies and work. I do. But everytime we need to remind ourselves that God, our Creator, is the one who enable us to study and to work. I remember during the Block Test 1 period, I kept thinking, "Why do I have to study?" And Joe told me that God gave me my brain cells and made my role now a student (if I may add, and a child of God always).
May we learn how to hold things loosely-- putting excellence in our work and yet committing our plans to God-- so that we will not be building treasures only here on earth. (:

2009-09-16T10:55:00.002+08:00

And I will go to the altar of God,
My joy and my delight
I will praise You with all of my heart.

Song: Altar of God

Yay. Basically, Rach and I have been going crazy over the two 'Glory Revealed' CDs which are really worth buying and the songs are stuck in our heads. I shared with my mum the other day that I can't stop thinking and sometimes it even feels like I'm not really resting when I sleep. She told me to sing some songs and then sleep. That was a good idea which I didn't think about. But typically as human, I did for the first night and not the subsequent. These CDs came timely. Haha. And it's so cool the way they get the lyrics from Bible verses that you probably wouldn't believe could be made into a song. (:
I'm really grateful for the sermon last Sat when Pastor Dan shared about uncertainties in life. After the sermon that day and even the very fact that I read some correlated stuff during QT that morning, I begin to pray daily that God will take away the worries that have been weighing on my heart and I feel so much better! I think prayer is really cool. (: It's more effective than asking a few elephants to come and take away your load. Haha.
One more paper. Honestly, I feel like I'm having a holiday or something because the papers are spaced out quite widely. (good thing)

iris

2009-09-04T10:22:00.003+08:00

To my dear dear Iris, I hope you've arrived safely!
Hope that you'd be able to settle down and adapt well, with the new friends and stuff.
And we are all very concerned about you, so do let us know what's going on on your side of the world. (:
And your laughter is irreplaceable. So are you.
I'd really miss the time talking to you about all kinds of stuff under the sky. And how you always buy the $1 coke on the way home.
We'd be keeping you in prayer! Take care!
-------------------------------------------------------

My mind is thinking in a ji-pua-ji-pua (fragmented) way so I'm just going to type whatever comes along my mind (with discretion). I've parted from the virtual world for quite a while and I think it's going to continue because (i) the router's down so I have to use my brother's laptop (ii) A levels is not so far away. Kept telling myself to make good use of the time so that I'd be able to enjoy my 7 months or so of break without regret.
I'm having a one week break and three more papers to go. Sent Iris off yesterday. The people who sent her off could almost form a fan club. Haha.
Saw pris tan along the way home. She's taking geog major at FASS. Oh man, I've thought of the real world out there and it's a little daunting. Well, I guess I'd just hold that thought for a while. (:

Good talk with Ben. Like somehow my eyes are opened by God to see my life really as a life filled with grace. And the grace overflows, hopefully to others' lives too.

2009-08-28T21:25:00.003+08:00

This morning, I woke up feeling a little uneasy within. And this is what spoke to me as I read my devotional material..

"Even when imaginary fears slip in like the morning frost to blight our faith, He's there- in charge...."

It's so interesting- how God speaks to us. Just simple sentences that tap on the doors of our hearts and we know that it's Him.
The previous day when I was studying for GP, I was asking God some funny questions and I just felt like I didn't really like what I was reading because everything seems debatable. And the back cover of my devotional material wrote, "God's wisdom equips us to handle life as it really is."
As it really is. God doesn't do pretense. That's not how we solve things. Bury it in a ground and act like it isn't there. Go to sleep and hopefully the night will change to day. But just to simply commit it into His hands. As I begin to study.. It's like tougher in a sense that there's higher requirements, but it's different. I feel like I'm studying and walking with Him, though not simultaneously as yet. Will there be a time when in everything that I do, fellowship with Him will be so so natural? I wonder.

The bridge from a song which I just got to hear: 'Desert Song'
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

2009-08-24T15:08:00.004+08:00

A cuppa hot white coffee and a good book will do fine. Such a thrill to be able to sit down and get laid back, at least for a while.

It has been a rollercoaster week. All I can say is that I'm really glad that my family members are around to talk to. Because I guess we needed one another. I don't know if I'd be able to get over it, or if I have gotten over it. But through all these, I see the wisdom my parents have (and which I never quite noticed before) in dealing with it. And I begin to realise that parenting really isn't easy. As for me, well, each time I feel this sense of uncertainty... I offer up a prayer once again. It's truly a blessing to be able to talk to God like never ever to anyone else.

"Life gets painful and crazy... But as you gaze upon that cross, let your response be...

Worship."

Just a line from this video that church has been showing.

the joy of being a simple person

2009-08-14T22:16:00.004+08:00

I'm back to blogging. To be very honest, I feel weird even typing something.

This retreat away from blogging is in a way a reminder to myself to always hand all things to God at first hand, the very first moment I experience something, good or bad. (although many times we veer towards doing so when experiencing the latter)

Some updates about my life (starting from the very recent), I guess..

1. Stepping down from SFC
I had a very good talk with Jem the other day even though our agenda was to discuss about some other stuff.. But somehow we just diverted to the topic and some things were very helpful.. Especially when he shared about how a pastor in his church is willing to do any task given to him and the next morning you still see him in church doing quiet time in the morning. Such faithfulness and how he holds things loosely in his hands.. I feel that a lot of times we experience this feeling of self-importance... so much that it consumes us and prides sets in once again. It's something that I have to constantly hand to God because sometimes I'm just so afraid of falling away..
Faithfulness is an issue I remember sharing with my cell leader. And the day when we stepped down, Canon shared something really assuring: we do have faith. And even with faith as small as a mustard seed (which is really very small), one can move mountains. I believe that during our term in SFC, indeed we have grown as we serve God.. To all SFC J2s, your small actions have impacted one or another although sometimes we, or even sometimes you, dont even know/see it! It is my prayer that not just the J1s, but also J2s 'who have stepped down', that we will all step up to live out our identity for God.

The emotional part of it.. The journey has been so wonderful.. That sometimes it can feel hard to let go. Especially when I look at my uniform where my badge used to be.. As in not the badge part, but how goods things also have an end and we're moving on. When I look at how the new exco is installed, I was so so happy for them because I remember how my journey has been and I really look forward to see them grow. And during the recent days of mentoring them, I feel like a mother hen to some of them, protecting them and yet knowing I have to let go.. I really cant wait to see what God has in store for them and the generations to come.

Aftering sharing (1), I cant remember what other things I wanted to share..
2. I did well for my Block Test2. (: Really really praise the Lord.

3. Good meet up with some old friends from NV recently. (:

4. Festival of Praise
I can never forget the FOP in 2006. It was the one when God deposited something in my heart and the comfort and assurance He gave brought me back to church. This year's was just as beautiful because some of the things shared really spoke to me about certain things. Yes, of course we do not seek God just via these concerts that lift up our spirits, but it really ministered to me especially when I least expected something many times.

2009-07-05T02:04:00.002+08:00

36 more days till I return to blog. (:

Just a beautiful verse I'd like to leave here. Whether you know Him or not, He will draw close to you if you will draw close to Him.

Psalm 27:4
One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.

2009-06-25T17:21:00.003+08:00

I am so tempted to write down a list of what I've not done so far but I kept telling myself to keep optimism since it's one of the things I find hard to keep hold of. Or is it not. I dont know.

Yesterday, while watching tv for the 3rd hour, someone came to our door to sell something. I don't know why, but I realised that I said 'no' too quickly. I'm glad I gave second thoughts and bought when my mum asked me if I wanted to. After the person left, my heart was as heavy as a stone. That was the much I could do for him and I really wanted to do more. So I said a prayer for the person. This is something that I really love about prayer. When you're helpless or cannot do much for someone else, you can pray for them. (=

I'm glad I spent time to do some dreaming yesterday and reflecting today.

You're my very present help. This I claim in Jesus' name.

2009-06-21T22:39:00.003+08:00

Cell retreat was a good time for me to reflect and talk to God. Though it was a short time span, I'm so amazed by how God can use the little time to speak to me through His word...
I was sharing with my cell group during worship about how we can get so caught up trying to go with our own ways, and how God can lead us if we'd only be willing to be led. You know most of the time when I share, these are the very things I struggle with too. So there I was, still feeling upset about my studies (as though that one lousy attempt should mark me down). There was this disappointment with God, but I know that it wasn't fair to Him because I did not let Him work. The scripture of the day's devotion was on Isaiah 50 and as I read, it was like everything within me went silent or something. I would say, I was happily speechless. In fact, God addressed all the unfair discontentment that I had with Him. It felt like God was asking me, "I called but you didn't answer. Did you think that I'm incapable of rescuing you?"
As I shared this with some friends after that, I began to see that we'd all like to glorify God with our studies. But if we do not involve Him, even if we do super well, what glory is that to Him? I believe that God would rather I commit my studies to Him, than to slog my whole life out and void of Him. And after all, God is sovereign and in control.

2009-06-16T22:29:00.003+08:00

Sunny days and starry nights, and lazy afternoons.

This is one of my fav line from the Winne the Pooh song 'Your Heart Will Lead You Home'. (: I remember the first time Dudley shared with us the song because he was going to sing it for our school's singing competition audition. Haha! I think I've grown quite a while after that eventful time. Haha. I still remember my schedule then- choir debate church. I wonder how I survived those times. But I definitely miss doing that kinda stuff.

Back to that line, I wish I take more time 'sky gazing'. I used to be able to do that kinda stuff, looking at the beautiful sky in the morning, going to school 15 min before bell rings. But now, I go to school when it's dark, I go home when it's dark too. (But the situation got better recently.) And haha, holidays, I wake up when the sun's shining down on me. (; I really wonder how it'd be like when I get into the working world. But I definitely know one thing, I'd still take a moment to look, ponder and reflect. It's me. (:

Anw, I spent yesterday with clique. The best thing about being with them: Everywhere and anywhere with them is fun. (: We met at kovan to lunch and rent movies to watch at my house. But we actually spent like 3hours plus in kovan? I have no idea how we spend our time. Rented 27dresses. It's quite a nice show.

I think some people might be thinking it's a little crazy to even meet up with your friends, go to church or what when time is running faster than your schedule. But I don't know, I think I like to throw in some time for some people and some of my personal stuff. It makes my holiday worthwhile. (: Afterall, the race continues right?

cheap hope?

2009-06-14T00:10:00.000+08:00

Looyee, I think you should either burn your tv and bed, or you can try setting a bomb that activates when you watch or sleep too much. Like 8 hours and 1 min later, poof, you're gone. Besides that, you're supposed to be golden aging now but your notes are just beside your comp as you type away. How wonderful. E-learning really helps huh.

The above is suppose to crack me up. I'm learning not to be too hard on myself (or even too nice sometimes), and minus the use of negative words on anything though it can be tough.

So, how did I spend my day? I went to church and the guest speaker was really funny and he answered a question that I've been thinking about during youth yesterday. I went home and slept. Guess how I woke up, I dreamt that I had to practise dancing and balancing with one foot on a chair while doing that, and it was so scary I woke up. (Please pray. I'm always getting funny dreams and I feel more exhausted than if I had stayed awake. ) Haha. Watched memoirs of a geisha by justifying that I wasnt in the mood to study and anw I hadnt watched the show. It was quite nice and the actress is really pretty. See I am not a biased person.

But I guess better things could have been done in some other days. Besides studying, watching tv and sleeping, which I don't mean are bad things, there can be more. I mean I cannot believe if today is my last day on earth and all I've done in the while are sleeping, studying and eating. Like.. "Yay, I've fulfilled my purpose in life." with a super blank face because you really dont mean what you said.

2009-06-11T17:11:00.004+08:00

Open my eyes to see, the many blessings You have showered upon me.

I was never really a study-study kinda student when I was younger. I don't remember studying or revising for my primary school work. Except for the very vivid memory of my really poor science results since Primary 4, when my teacher made us write down explanations for MCQ why the choices were or were not the answer. Imagine... 30questions x 4 choices= 120 explanations. When I scored my first 70 for science in Primary 6, I went to find my p5 teacher happily to tell her because she was one of my favourites. The next test result, it went back to my usual 50-60.

I dont really know what spurred me to do better in Secondary 2. Perhaps because in Sec1, some guys apparently were ranked before me. Haha. Or maybe it was the sudden competitiveness to get full marks for math in Sec2. But I know one thing. I was very far away from God then, but yet He chose to bless me with outstanding results.

Perhaps from then, sometimes we become quite competitive in studies but yet still really close friends who help one another. One thing which I have always been grateful for. When I returned back to my church and spiritually I grew, I began to understand that such competitiveness can be killing. Half the time, I told myself not to compare, another half I try to keep myself sane with the sustinence of His word and comfort. I won't say that I've done well in managing my stress level and emotions then, but I do know at least I tried.

Coming to JC is yet another hurdle which I have to overcome. I have to admit that I've been holding the defeated mentality. I pray that God will help me to change my mindset, to be able to manage my commitments and continue to be blessed with good results. This I ask in Jesus' name, amen! (=

2009-06-11T03:06:00.002+08:00

I forgot. Thank you Rach and co. for the wonderful cake surprise! To sammie, I love the photoframe. Going to put them on my desk to scare myself with your faces everyday. (:

I seriously wish that camp never ended. It was so great to have known new people, to be able to do speeches without trembling like in the past, and find some people who truly have a tender heart for God. So great to crack jokes with people, etc.

I really hope the campers can unite once again when school reopens! (:

I have a question which I don't know if it should be left unanswered or not.

camp

2009-06-09T22:44:00.003+08:00

Today is quite a happy day. (you must be thinking I'm strange as you read on)

I just got back from camp earlier because I caught some stomach viral illness and had to get back home to rest. Really wished I could be there with my friends though.. And to see the end of the camp. And our popeyes lunch. )=
But I still really thank God for helping me to be able to do the workshop, despite me being sick. And I asked Him before the camp to show me new insights. Indeed, I have learnt much through this camp.

We just took the spiritual gifts quiz. It was sucha long questionaire. Mine is teaching which I hope I have been utilising.. (=

[unwell for a full meaningful blog post]

looking at this photograph

2009-06-07T01:07:00.002+08:00

2009-06-06T22:37:00.004+08:00

Before I head for camp and forget everything that happened this week..

It all started with a simple prayer.. "God, for this birthday, can you show me that my friends really care?" I think we can be all honest that it feels good when people remember our birthdays and plan to head out together etc.

Surprise 1: Last Sat, after GDOP, my cell group celebrated for me and Beatrice.
Surprise 2: Sophia went to buy birthday cake, but they told me that something happened at her house. So I was like worried and wanted to call her to see if she's okay but don't know if I'd call her at an inconvenient time. Until when I asked again and Hiren kinda absentmindedly told me that she went to buy cake. Haha. Yujie was like, "huhhhhh?" and he repeated himself again. Haha. I had to act surprised so that they wont feel disappointed. But they found out in the end. Opps.
Surprise 3: Met up with Samuel (Chia) because we hadn't met for so long! He went to "buy a drink" and called me to go to the playground. There he was with the cake. Haha. Good time talking to him. And the nice surprise. (=
Surprise 4: My family celebrated my birthday with a cake and sang birthday song for the first time! =D
Surprise 5: Chesed singing birthday song to me over the phone! Haha. I was like.. huh who's this in my mind. Haha. Have fun for your trip cheese! (=
Surprise 6: My dear Cherlyn appeared with slices of cake and clique shared it at Starbucks. Been so long! (=

Thank You God for all the wonderful surprises. and to be able to meet up with oldies. (=

for you are His personal concern

2009-06-03T18:03:00.002+08:00

Angels and Demons was a superb movie. I seriously held my breath and covered my mouth with my hands in suspense. It was so so good. And I feel like I'm the only one who got cheated by Ewan Mcgregor (so far everyone seems to have read the book) because I thought he was so so nice! I still like him anyway. I bet I have moaned over this for two days because I felt so betrayed. It was such a nice twist but I wish he would turn back on his way or something and not burn himself to death.... )= Besides that, I think the movie was so good. I was so touched by the part when people came and saved the last pope, and the part when he went up to the sky to 'sacrifice himself for the people'. )=

Yup, this post is basically just for me to continue with my anguish.

Besides that, the real holiday is here. (better than nothing) My schedule's packed but I still got some room for slacking i.e. my birthday. No one studies on birthdays. It's too tragic. (= Looking to maybe gather with some oldies (it's been a long time since clique unite!) or just simply chill. Anyway, I really really appreciate BFC and A3 for celebrating my birthday. They really made my day and makes me feel appreciated at the same time too! Thank you BFC for the greatest fellowship (i really cant wait for cell retreat), and A3 for making school life more enjoyable. (=

Happy birthday Michelle. (=

2009-05-28T15:26:00.003+08:00

My heart sings a song, that even angels cannot sing.

I especially like this line in the song, "Falling" by Pocket Full of Rocks. It's a line that has been so close to my heart, to know that I can sing a song of joy because I can have this father-child relationship with my God. To be able to sing a song of joy became more real to me yesterday, and I really thank God because now I feel liberated to sing to Him not out of duty but out of love. In a way, I have been feeling a little downcast within for quite a while and I didn't quite understand why either. Jem's message yesterday really helped me to see how I have been just thinking about the serving part. I've been so consumed with the doing... that I have began to feel like I'm just doing things, asking Him to tell me what to do.. Like an obligation or something. Rather than truly experiencing Him as I serve Him.

For as high as the heaven's from the earth, so great is measure of our Father's love.

a song of joy

2009-05-24T14:16:00.002+08:00

Oh, I could sing unending songs
Of how You saved my soul
Well, I could dance a thousand miles
Because of Your great love, yeah

My heart is bursting Lord
To tell of all You've done
Of how You changed my life
And wiped away the past

Oh, I wanna shout it out
From every roof top, sing
For now I know that God
Is for me not against me

--------------------------------------
My prayer for the day is that my heart will be able to sing songs of joy. I will do things not letting them weigh me down because He, who has set me free, is faithful and will be my Helper.

Matthew 11:29-30
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

all my days have been ordained

2009-05-14T18:17:00.004+08:00

After today, I'm convinced that I can be a meteorologist. Because I predicted the weather correctly, for once.

Me: (staring at the window) Dad, I think it's going to rain.
Dad: No lar. How you know?

And I got out of the house happily because my bag was heavy and I wasn't planning to bring an umbrella. I kinda figured that someone I know will be around..
The moment I got out of Potong Pasir, it was drizzling. Then it started to pour. Like literally pour water like that. I was on my way back to bus stop to take the bus when I saw Chris! =D But it still didn't help. I was half drenched and ready for scripture reading. Haha.
--------------------------------------------------

Well, I think I am getting pessimistic all over again. I don't know. Maybe cause' sometimes I paint too rosy a picture and I get disappointed. And many times I just feel that I can't find a person who I can share and can relate to how I feel. When I shared with Sophia today, I totally felt like I finally get to breathe again or something. Like it has been kept within me for quite a while..
But y'know, as I'm typing this.. I feel like a fool cause' I forgot that all along, Jesus is with me. All along, even if I feel rotten and everything, I can just share with Him and make it my prayer to commit these issues to Him.

Reaching For You
I can't believe the way
Your love has got a hold on me
Each morning I wake to find You near
You lift me above my fears
And set my feet on solid ground
All of my days belong to You

And I breathe in Your breath of life that fills my heart
You are my all consuming fire

I stand here before You
In wide opened wonder
Amazed at the glory of You
The power of heaven
Revealing Your purpose in me
As I'm reaching for You

heartfelt thoughts

2009-05-09T23:43:00.002+08:00

It's so nice to feel like a kid sometimes. (Just something random because Andy pat my head today.)

My goldfish appears to be dying. I almost cried as I looked at it struggling for its life. Partly because my heart went out for it, and partly because I feel that many times we're like that too- fighting for our lives though we can't do it on our own. There are so many things we wanna do, so many things we expect.. and so many times we get disillusioned because we place our trust in the wrong thing.

Isaiah 30:15-19

¹⁵This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:
"In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it.

¹⁶ You said, 'No, we will flee on horses.'
Therefore you will flee!
You said, 'We will ride off on swift horses.'
Therefore your pursuers will be swift!

¹⁷ A thousand will flee
at the threat of one;
at the threat of five
you will all flee away,
till you are left
like a flagstaff on a mountaintop,
like a banner on a hill."

¹⁸ Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you;
he rises to show you compassion.
For the LORD is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for him!

¹⁹ O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you.

Won't You teach us not to be obstinate?

2009-05-09T13:46:00.003+08:00

Hi all.. Just felt really refreshed after yesterday's Lifecon thanksgiving dinner. I really thank God for the people that I've met both in LifeCon and SAJC itself. So many different people.. And many of them always bring a smile to my face. People like my classmates, my SFC friends, Eleora, Jem, Matt, the mentors, Rebekah and the J1s... And I really miss those times during EW/LC, when I would ask Eleora if I should fast the lunch or dinner (since she knew the menu), doing 40 Day P&F with Samuel and Jem (when my coffee addiction started), and going crazy with Rach over the Easter week artefacts. (=

I think this journey has been really wonderful.. Because of the struggles that we face, we turn to God even more and through these times, He has spoken to me-- through people, through His word, through songs. And it's so amazing because it just speaks at the right situations when I don't know what to do. Or even, when I am so discouraged or tired that I really feel like giving up. He has mould me in character.

Thank You for Your love, Lord.

2009-05-01T23:59:00.003+08:00

I guess I'm pretty human after all. I don't mean it in the way that I-am-perfect-smug-smile kinda way. But rather, I failed again and ran back into God's embrace. School has been intensive. And I've been feeling the "what if i cannot catch up with work" thing. Got so frustrated with schoolwork and teachers, although I don't really feel that I should blame it on them. But I am comforted by the fact that,

A thousand times I failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace

-From the Inside Out

Be it failure in studies or in life, the best part is to know that I may stumble, but You will never let me fall. You will be with me throughout the journey.
------------------------------------------------

Shopping with Rach and Sammie. It's super great. It's been about 4 months since I had a decent shopping time, especially with them. And it's so productive! Haha. (= Had a good time talking about stuff and reminiscing lifecon. I love open-air cafes. Should do that more often, even alone by myself or something.

2009-04-23T18:45:00.004+08:00

Oh man. School has been crazy. Just something funny which happened during math lecture yesterday.. Haha.

Listening to teacher droning on and on about complex number. Less than 5min later...
Me: (zzz...)
And 30min later...
Me: Sophia, how did she do it? (points at the same example that the teacher has been talking about all the while)
Sophia: (leans towards and tells me)

And I fell asleep right before she explained! Haha. She was like, "I thought you understood then when I turn to you, you were already sleeping!" Haha. Both of us just kept laughing about it. I really didn't mean it. It was so involuntary. )=

Schoolwork is really taking its toll on us. But I think I did better than I thought I would for my history today. (: And even though I didn't have enough sleep, I thank God because He sustained me through the day. No falling asleep or what.
But well, despite all, I'm really glad to have my friends with me. At least I don't feel so.. It's like that kinda we're all in this together thing. I can't wait for weekend.

Besides the whole talk about school and stuff, I watched my first movie of the year! Yup, I'm like so proud of it like it's some kinda achievement. I mean.. it's been really really so long since I watched a decent show. And we watched 17 again by the 'order' of our princess Samantha. (: Besides all the gushing from the girls which was like surround system or something, I enjoyed the show. There were several parts of the show that I was going to tear because the storyline was so good and so true. Everyone should watch it man. Not for zac efron or something. It's so 'human'. Makes me think of how sometimes we think we're so big for sacrificing something for people but our heart may be unwilling actually..

To people who have been concerned about me.. Thank you. This is not some random thing. It's just.. always nice to know that there are people who care and wants to know what's going on in my life. (:

this journey

2009-04-04T21:58:00.002+08:00

EW/LC is over. This journey has been really enjoyable. To be able to serve God in such a meaningful way, and to serve alongside with many friends I've made. Seriously, I think I'm getting the nostalgia already. I think I'm going to miss so many of them especially since we can only take part in EW/LC next year..
I've learnt a lot from this event. One of the things is that God has His very own ways to carry out His will. This lesson is so important to me because many times I would think that God will act in the way that we see, 'just like any other year/time'. But the thing is, we need to believe that God has greater plans. Also, setting our hearts right has been something that we have been dealing with. Indeed, I believe that God is pleased with a heart that is sincere and genuine. Not only that, I have seen people who have really gone so far as to serve God with their very best..

I have to admit that I have not been taking studies very seriously. Will do my best to get on the right track. I just hope that there wont be those stay-back-super-late lessons. Studying at home works better for me.
Can't wait for the thanksgiving dinner. (=

2009-04-02T18:57:00.002+08:00

ONE MORE DAY TO LIFE CONCERT!

Even now, I am thinking of the song, 'Stand in the Gap'

Wouldn't You Lord
Take a look at our hands
Everything we have
Use it for Your plan

I pray that God will help us to guard each and every one of our hearts. It's all about You.

2009-03-28T23:21:00.002+08:00

Philippians 4:12-13

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Did this for scripture reading last week. And it made me ponder. Because many times we like to quote v13 and.. v12 helps us to understand too. Indeed, when we have been through thick and thin with God, we are assured that He will provide for our needs. Which is why we can be contented wherever we are, and trust Him that we can do what He has for us.
------------------------------------------------

Thank You God. You have given me enough to do the things that You want me to do.

2009-03-27T00:17:00.002+08:00

EW/LC meeting today. Thank God that I don't have to wake up early tomorrow.. Got service learning (something like CIP). We're going to Metta school to teach Primary Math.

Speaking of which, I failed my math. My parents were okay with it.. and I told them that it was because I didn't study much, hoping that they won't be that worried.
-------------------------------------------------

EW/LC is like ending soon.. My parents have grown to become more supportive of what I am doing, especially my mum. I don't know why but I'm really touched. Before that, she was quite discouraging. But now when we talk about what has been happening in my school life and how God has touched me, she would affirm me. I really love the smile on her face as she hear me share. Anyway, the meeting today left me amazed.. During the time of prayer and worship, I wondered, "If just like this can leave me so overwhelmed with joy, how would heaven be like?" Even as EW/LC ends, my walk with God does not. There's still a long way to go, but I know I can trust Him to bring me through.

2009-03-23T17:43:00.004+08:00

Tomorrow is last paper!

I would probably expect some fireworks once I step out of the hall or something.
Tests never seemed so scary until now. It feels like an exam.
I really have a lot of things in mind.. things that can be done in my free time.
To the beach, to cycle, to eat, to anything that doesn't require me to use my brain very much.
But I guess not until after EW/LC. (Pls don't tell me after A levels.)
It's supposed to be some crucial time. But. One thing I am thinking of is to lean hard on God.

Looyee, go and study your Macro.

what on earth am i doing?

2009-03-22T17:24:00.003+08:00

(Okay, I just realised that my post's title is quite ironic.)

I spent my day reading some really good books.

The time is 5.25pm and I have only finished AFC notes.

Oh man.. Honestly, I am not very bothered by BT because I don't feel hopeful about it.
But I know that I should work at it with all my heart.. as a student.

May the time multiply. Nationalism here I come.

2009-03-19T19:42:00.003+08:00

Well..... It's hard to take on a "all about You and none of me" attitude. I have to be brutally honest about this. Been struggling real hard about some issues. They may seem insignificant.. sometimes small and subtle. But I just think about it all day long recently.

It never occurred to me that sometimes.. you just need to wait.
Wait for God's power to come and transform.
Wait in submission. Wait with trust...

You know what. I'm so glad that I have a God who loves.

2009-03-16T12:10:00.002+08:00

In this long journey, I have a company.

The weekend has been crazy for some of us. But I guess it has really been good and fulfilling. (=

Block test
I think I screwed up my math and history. I went home feeling really depressed for my math, even though I think I did worse for history. My mum was really encouraging when she saw my super emo face when I reached home.
There are two sides to the coin:
- I really didn't study much nor hard. Time management was a problem.
- We have never taken a full hist paper 1 before! It's still tough to process things and write that fast.
I think I performed my best for geog. But it's a H1.. Well, now I can only do my best for the rest of the papers. (=

Prep camp
Super tiring. I guess we were warned about it beforehand.. Haha. But really, I think that this year's experience is different for me. I can't quite remember what we did last year except that Jeremy started calling me 'Elizabeth'. But last year was physically draining too, with the flagging and how Evelyn wanted straight arms etc. Haha. This year is tiring in a sense that I feel the challenges. For example, I am not really an arty person and there I was doing the artefacts. And I find it difficult to work with people because I like things my way. And actually, with more challenges, I find more breakthroughs! We have finished with most of the artefacts and are left with the touchups. (Hopefully, we won't get busy this hol..) And I decided to let my teammates deal with the cross, cause' they're good at it.
I guess there are always challenges for us to break out of our old stubborn habits and patterns-- things that we're comfortable with but hinders our character development actually. The thing is, we have a choice. I am still struggling with certain issues in my life. One thing I am truly grateful for is the assurance that God will walk with me and strengthen my feeble legs. And I am glad that I'm at least conscious of it and dealing with it. Because I don't want to find myself drowning without knowing that every small choice I make can lead to great consequences.

2009-03-03T21:02:00.003+08:00

My Greatest Love is You

Every new day, Your glory unfolds
Filling my eyes with Your treasures untold
The beauty of holiness brings worship anew
My greatest love is You

Call me deeper into Your grace
The river that flows from the holy place
Wash over me, cleansing me through
My greatest love is You
------------------------------------------

Just a song that just popped into my head. I am reminded of how I should anticipate every day-- to see Jesus glorified, His mercy magnified.
As some would have known how I struggled to serve God in the position where He wanted me to be in, they would love to know how God blessed me in my service. We had to rush proposals for easter week the other day, and God provided what I need. Especially the energy for Monday, since I was rushing the proposal almost the whole weekend and GP presentation. Struggled to go to school that day. Cause I was reasoning with myself, "Even if you go, you'd still sleep. What's the purpose of going then?" So I asked God that I will not fall asleep during lessons, and I did not.
It's beautiful, you know.. How Jesus loves us so much. Even though we grumble about things because we can't see the full picture of things. I'm amazed.

2009-02-21T13:18:00.003+08:00

I woke up this morning feeling like I've slept for a week.

Yesterday was good, in a way. Lessons ended at 1230 and went for Subway with Evelyn, Chesed and Rach. It felt like a small getaway to me. A time to take a breather. Maybe sometimes I need to take a breather from myself too.. Cause' I just feel that I'm depressing myself sometimes. And I don't think I'm being friendly to myself.. Anyway, I find myself walking into mentors' room recently because it's one of the places which makes me feel like school is pretty distant. Haha. The place is just so homely that I can just fall asleep there.
Rach commented that she has been around people too much recently. I feel so too. Really need a getaway.. God, help me. To live rather than just survive, even when I don't feel like it.

we lift up our hands

2009-02-18T20:57:00.001+08:00

You are who You are,
No matter where I am.

Perhaps it was a small storm, but the storm was real. I know I struggled to ask for Your will to be done.. And God.. truth be told, You are the God who helps me in my struggles. And during these times, I have been really encouraged by people's affirmation. When Jeremy told me I was mature to give up something I really wanted. When Joe told me he sees a servant heart in me. Which I believe God had the same sentiments. Because I think that half the time, I'm beating up myself for being 'selfish'. I guess as I'm typing these out, I have a clearer picture of what it means to be worth something in the eyes of a King- to be the apple of His eye.
And I'm really glad that I decided not to aud for LifeCon in the end. EW needs people and I'm excited about it too.. More importantly, I'll be happier to offer the service that God wants from me.. Rather than I serving myself.. Ironic huh.

It's been great serving God anyway. For the 40 Day P&F booklet which came out yesterday evening! =D I was fretting a little about distribution but people keep telling me to 'be still' indirectly today! (thr MW, scripture reading, devotion...) Indeed, the supernatural thing about God is that He can give you peace even when you are in times of anxiety. (: And distribution has been good so far! Better than I thought. Really. I dont even have my copy cause' I keep giving it to others. (=

people i look up to

2009-02-15T14:25:00.000+08:00

Joe and Wanhui. - two of my greatest cell leaders.

"Cell leading is not easy. Wait till you have your own sheeps." This is good proof of who you are as our cell leaders-- always giving more than required to your sheeps, being our good shepherds and spurring us to grow.
I cannot list down all the things you have done for us but I can mention some. Inviting us to be first to sleepover at Joe's new house, meeting us and treating us for food, getting updated about our lives even though you're busy, making effort to be there for us when something happens to us or our family members, praying for us, being there to let us voice out and giving us advices. And your concern about our results as though we are your own children. Your actions really speak aloud of your love for each and every one of us.
Thank you for always being there as our shepherd and shepherd's pie. You love so you do not compromise when we do something wrong, which puts you at a difficult position sometimes. We really appreciate you both because of your genuinity and love for BFC. Thank you for being our friends and leaders.

2009-02-15T00:45:00.002+08:00

Just came back from celebrating Valentine's Day with gfs.

Today's sermon was about BGR.. Part two. I didn't know they have so much to talk about. And I guess the best part was the sharing by Matthias and his wife. I mean, one of the best lesson you can learn from is people's experiences. And I really admire them for their honest and open sharing. I guess, BGR is really more than what we really think it is. Like if you start at younger age, there will still be drastic changes in yourself and the other party. Sometimes and quite suddenly, you'd find that your dream guy changed. Even though many people like to say that the hope of "your first to be your last" is dim, I want to have a relationship that pleases God.. Anyway, I think we had one of the most interesting and open cell discussion. Haha.
Met the girls at Clarke Quay for dinner. We were like suffering from eating mexican but I managed to clear my whole plate. Good tortilla but not worth the price. I like the green hot sauce though the colour looks disgusting for appetite. Settled down at some open-air bar and shared some drinks. Good time catching up as some of us talked about how school life can be quite suffocating. Personally, I catch myself studying as though as I am on holiday trip.. I guess I need to start studying hard. But I really enjoy serving more. Guess I have to deal about it.

2009-02-14T00:19:00.002+08:00

Ah. I love weekends.

Feeling a little sleepy and grouchy because I've had a long day. But I guess it was fun today-interviewing those who are auditioning for Life Concert. I guess one very important lesson I learnt is that we shouldn't be that critical about people. We are all at different phases of our walk.. and in no way should we decide that who is better than who. Because we are all accepted by Christ not for what we do but what He did- dying on the cross and resurrecting.. for us. Revealing His great power that isn't ruled by death.
I'm quite tired cause' there's comm meeting/practice coming up.. And I'm having the flu attack. Do pray for me.. that God will strengthen me indeed. Super natural.

2009-02-07T08:15:00.003+08:00

I really really can't wait to tell the people that we're doing 40 Day P&F!.....

You have no idea how crazy it is until you start making the book, from scratch!

When Jem sent the msg at 4am that the booklet is done, I went 'yay' within and back to sleep. But doing morning worship, I started thinking of God's companionship during the times.. How He gave us the words. How He gave us strength. How He helped me not to feel like ponning school. How He blessed me.. I feel, how undeserving. God, Your grace comes in abundance.

But right now, I'm still feeling a little weird because work came on a rise and now, a sudden halt. Maybe like what Rachel said, cold turkey. Haha. During this time of chionging and also having spent lesser quiet time with God, I find myself still taking time to reflect on the purpose of doing all these..

For all of us who are serving, let's keep coming back to Him so that we'd not lose purpose of what we are doing.

quality time

2009-01-30T20:15:00.003+08:00

It has been a busy week. And I feel that I have not been spending enough quality time with my old school friends. I remember that a friend once said that even if we do not meet up for a long time, it does not mean that our friendship is devalued or what. I come to understand how she felt. But I guess that doesn't give us the excuse from meeting up. Hope that we will all try to set aside some time for our friends who mean much to us. And this doesn't happen just alone by one person's initiative but everyone else's. (=

Anyway, I'm glad that we have new year. Even though we are bombarded with homework, we can still choose to give our family some of our time. I struggled between going to visit relatives with my parents on day two and staying at home to mug. Thank God that I chose the former. Cause' I feel that this is one good new year that I can really engage in my relationship with my family. (=

2009-01-22T16:04:00.002+08:00

I've done much, gained much, achieved much, and studied enough.

But I came to one conclusion only..

One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple.
(Psalm 27:4)

Marcus' sharing today touched the core of my heart. We have heard about the story on Martha and Mary. But there's always this line between reading the Bible and God's word coming alive and so real. And it's not difficult. Just ask Him for the desire to read His word and teach you.

2009-01-16T20:26:00.003+08:00

Wah, it's just the first week of school and I see God in the midst of my life and the lives of others!
Honestly, I'm physically quite tired but something within me is still fluttering. I mean, all the homework and tests are rushing to me and I do not get enough sleep but I am not worried!

Like yesterday, I was to prepare for two MSAs and I also wanted to read something that is quite important but not 'urgent'. So I prayed for time to do all which seemed quite impossible, and guess what? God postponed my History MSA! =D It's crazy.

I don't know why, but I keep seeing prayers answered and it's just too much for me to take!

Through this trying period of studies, friends, I believe God can bring peace WITHIN the entire you when you ask and trust.

2009-01-09T16:47:00.003+08:00

You know how it feels when someone gets on your nerves and..

Who do we put the blame on? Naturally, the person. "Because he/she came and irritate me mah."

But today, I can only cry out to Jesus. For Him to just come and redeem my heart once again. Because only He can make my heart clean once again. When I react in anger, I just find that I'm losing myself more than I think the person is losing himself/herself.
Only when Jesus comes into the picture, my heart is humbled once again.

Pardon me. But have we ever thought about how precious we really are? What is our value?
It's more than we can imagine. Stop giving ourselves to what is of less value. Anger, vengeance etc. They just consume you.

2009-01-07T01:49:00.003+08:00

I can't imagine I hadn't updated my blog for quite a few weeks.

Okay, actually these few days just felt surreal to me.

29th to 31st: Chalet with 4E2. It was a cool place and I didn't know I booked a 2 storey but I guess everyone loved it. It's ultra big. Like some old terrace with seaview and the breeze is really great. I had a good personal retreat the next morning to the seaside area and spent my quiet time there. It was so so good and refreshing. The waves somehow made God's presence known there. Cooked breakfast with Janice. We are really amateurs at this and next time I have my house, I'd make sure I have a wok! (Mum doesn't keep one cause' she doesn't like the smoke and oil.) Good chat with some of my friends at night. It's been a while since I caught up with some of them like Charis Ng Chi Hui. (=

31st/ 1st: Watchnight at church. Countdown this year was very meaningful to me. It has been a long time since I countdowned so happily and I was really excited about the new year. I guess it would have been different without cell. Sharing on stage was good. I told God before I went up that I was trusting Him completely for this and He made it rather stress-free!

2nd to 4th: SFC Camp. I thought that I did not manage my planning time well but the people still enjoyed themselves. Camp was great because I really sensed unity among us. Before that we were still quite scattered in our groups but I felt assured during the camp. Got to know many of them better and well, we really had fun. For example, running at 5.30 to ECP. Haha. The sunrise was not that distinct visually but it was nice. And I really like the zombie game. The campers were paired up three-legged with one blindfolded. They had to find the apples which James and co. hid so well. Samuel and I were the zombies and we had to be blindfolded while catching them. We had someone to prevent us from falling but I kept walking so fast (I just couldn't control my speed?) and kept knocking into things. Haha.
Oh yeah, my aunt is working at Navigators (my campsite) and I actually met her on the first day. Got a shock!

Well, a well-spent holiday! And I just got my laptop yesterday since I'm going to use it quite a lot. (= Start mugging now already.

memories snapped

2008-12-19T00:30:00.004+08:00

MyHope Singapore

If these people weren't here, things would not have been as great..
And the cell I can't trade for anything..

And all who made the party memorable! =D

Joe's dog (Stormy) and me! It likes me! =D

Sentosa trip. (I have some photos but I'm too lazy to upload them. Mainly of clarissa trying desperately to hit the ball.)

Jumping shots.

All photos above are courtesy of Yeomei who uploads photos fast.

And I found these photos in Tia's fb! We were supposed to be doing the super boring PW when Amanda got her macbook out and..
I think this is the cutest face I can ever have. )=

I have so many things to do but I'm just so lazy. )= I need a knock on the head to know time is running faster than me. And I think I should just bring my geography notes everywhere I go.

2008-12-18T08:51:00.003+08:00

Since youth camp, I don't feel like I have had a decent rest. I am already up at 7 plus now for no reason. Something within me isn't ticking well. I can't eat well either. )= I should include good appetite when I say grace.

MyHope Singapore.
Thank God for the party. Joe's new house was done just on time, and we had many friends during the party. I believe the whole cell is really glad to see Andrew and Abby. (: I think the party was quite fun. (: And I'm glad to see Sam, HZ, Cher and Jassy. Thank you guys for coming! Really appreciated it and I hope you had fun!

Sentosa trip.
Most fruitful trip for me because I finally dare to float on my own. And we had a good time playing. We watched a bad movie though, worst I've ever seen. Haha. Headed for dinner with sophia and some of the 4E3 people. And swing! (:
---------------------------------------------------------

Thank you Dudley and Iris for being there. I really needed that listening ear.
Thank You Lord for always being there and guiding my footsteps patiently as I wobble half the time.

2008-12-09T23:32:00.002+08:00

Back from youth camp! I think it was good, because many times camps are a lot about us and asking God to do this and that. But this camp has gotten us to take a look and more concern for the people around us like our community. And I become more conscious about GIVING and less of receiving.

It was good being in the same group as my cell, and I continue to learn more about them. Like how the guys kept us waiting for devotion. Haha. Kidding! But seriously, each and every single of one you made the camp fun to be at. And I think our cheer is funny. (: I thank God for one of my friend too. At one point of time, she actually put her hands on my shoulders to comfort me. When I believe she needed that more than me.

People were already looking forward to give God what they can at the start of the camp, to serve the community etc. These are youths and teens I'm talking about, and there couldn't have been any other thing except the love of God which motivates us to commit. And He never shortchanged us. He blessed all the groups when we went out to do something for the community around.

For example, our group proposed the idea to give away free coffee and tea at our area. When we reached there, everything didn't seem right. It was raining and everyone at coffeeshop had already ordered drinks. The coffeeshop uncle looked really busy too. But things worked out eventually. The people were friendly and some of us went door-to-door at the nearby block to ask them if they wanted to have free drinks. They were surprised and appreciative of our gesture, even though some rejected cause' they were paiseh. Haha. It was quite a bold initiative, I would say. But it was good! (:

All in all, I see some areas about my life which need some notice. Before I get panicky or pack for a guilt trip, I just really want to commit these things to God because He will help me.

juvenal chan

2008-12-04T11:31:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY JUVENAL CHAN. (:

I'm sorry that I'm four days late to say happy birthday to you. But I didn't forget your birthday. You may smash my head once you get back. (:
What can I say, man. We've been friends since secondary one and we were like the weirdest people to each other when we first met. I can only say life in NV would have been boring without you going crazy with me. Especially in sec three with our water bottle dance, siew mai song, and so many things we went through. (: And you're like my across-the-bridge partner in class, then we'd start looking at each other through the foolscap hole thing. You have brought so much joy to people around you. I can never forget the times you were there to comfort me when I broke down because of studies. There were just so many times. Thank you for just being there. I really appreciate your presence budbud. (:

2008-12-03T12:06:00.004+08:00

It's your year!

My eyes grow bigger as they talk about what we're going to do as one SFC. And I don't want to miss it. My heart yearns for great fellowship during this camp that will unite and truly bond the whole of SFC, without any monarchies or ranks. But as one children of God. I believe that's God's desire for us. To equip us and help us to be effective as one in our service.
Maybe I have been thinking more of 'Oh no, what am I going to do?' and forgotten about the fact that we are facing this all as one. I think it's a good reminder for me. Meanwhile, there will be a lot of liaising with others so I hope that we will meet with good and fast response. (: Somehow, it's easy to me cause' I've not went through it. I hope that even if stones appear along the way, I will use them as stepping stones.

When I start to tear one day, please remind me of what I said in this post.

the bus arrived

2008-12-01T13:08:00.004+08:00

It has always been quite easy for me to share within my cell what I think, but the issue that got on with me that day was a little different. It was an irritant that has been clinging on to me for a while. Perhaps you can call it sense-of-unworthiness/put-yourself-down.
I really thank God that He got my attention to this problem. After all, I have been putting it off, either acting in ignorance or denial. Hah.
When Joe was talking to me about my habit of putting guilt upon myself, I can't stop thinking about what a teacher of mine told me before. It had hurt me a lot that I had disappointed the teacher because I was always putting myself down.
And I kept questioning myself while I was waiting for my bus which took quite a long time. Why, why does it keep clinging on, and it hurts so much, will it ever go. Something then hit my mind. Now, it can just leave now. All these horrible feelings and the habit that I'm so entangled with. The 'bus' (to live freely) had arrived 2000 years ago. Jesus told me that I am cleansed, whiter than the snow in fact and that I am worthy.
Will you board the bus? That's the step of faith that we have to take.

Romans 14:17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit,

2008-11-26T22:50:00.005+08:00

My new favourite character: Mort the Lemur! (:
Actually lemurs in real life look pretty funny, but well, Mort is different cause' it's the cutest thing besides me. =D Of course I'm kidding. But think about it, it has the smallest role getting chased by sharks all day long in the movie, but it left the deepest impression to me. Especially the haggard-looking part and the way it goes, "Lalalala."

Today was job hunting day. Clarissa and I went for 3 interviews and hopefully I can get a temp job that I can juggle well with church, SFC commitments and studies because MSA 2009 is like a few days after school reopen. They must have a problem. I have hardly even touched my holiday homework and I hope I wont leave it for the last week for sch like I always somehow end up with. Some people are probably better, they don't even do. But I can't afford that, cause Geog assg is counted as CA I think. )= Okay, get over and done with. (:
I'm quite happy these two days cause' I feel like I'm trying to live. Haha. (:

A conversation went like this today between two young adults and their youths.
The self-praise one: Hello, what is your name? My first name is pretty and last name is cute. You can call me pretty cute.
Clarissa: My name is speech and my surname is less. I'm speechless. (in response to the claim)
Wanhui (my cell leader): My surname is Beau and my name is Ti fu. You can call me beautiful.
Self-praise one: It's rude to call your full name. Ti-fu, tifu!
Beatrice keeps quiet despite the rest encouraging her.
Wanhui: Her surname is Huang, her name is hou. She's empress!
Self-praise one: No, her name is pian tai. Pian tai huang! (I know it's kuang but it sounds like. (:)

Who is the self-praise one? I think she thinks she's cuter than her fav character Mort. =D Here we go again.
I remember Charis telling me when we graduated that we can't self-praise anymore. Haha. But well, I guess we always have fun doing that. (: And sometimes it entertains others so that they can suan us back. )=