Joys and sorrows

It has been a year of ups and downs. Looking back, many things have changed. But something really proved itself constant- God's unfailing love and His infallible word. Indeed, some news came as a shock, some things turned out better than I thought... But I guess like what Paul said, "I have had much, and I had times of lack, but I learnt to be contented no matter what." - my translation. All these won't kill because "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:13

A reminder to ourselves

There must have been a time in our lives when something really bad happened and all we wished is that the pain will just go away. It can be a struggle battle that you've yet to overcome, it can be what people may have done and hurt you.

That was when "There Will Be A Day" came to my mind. The lyrics goes, "There will be a day when there will be no more fear, no more pain, no more tears..."

Sounds a little depressing that we're still on earth? Don't get the song wrong. It then leads to, "But until that day, we will look to you always".

I do look forward to the day when like a boat reaching the shore, and you see the Father at the port waiting, with arms open wide. He has been expecting you.

But until that day, keep investing in the kingdom. Be faithful and always available for God's assignment to us. Your citizenship is not here on earth but in heaven. The day will come when you will hear Him say, "Welcome home my child" as He embraces you in His arms.

While watching those korean drama mama serials today, I began to ask, "Will this happen to me next time?" It can be such a real thing - people who are affected by things of the past, and they begin to walk in the footsteps of their past. Just like re-enacting the scene over again, believing that they are just meant to live like that.

That was when I realised how important the 'God' factor is in our lives. The 'God' factor keeps us in check, keeps us sane. Simply because the Lord is my refuge, my shelter, my strength... He is the One who comforts when all things seem dark, He is my Reason to rejoice when day breaks.

Who is God, you may ask. Is He someone who simply dictates where I should go, what I should do, eat and drink?

And this is my 2 cents worth understanding and personal experience. He provides the guidance you need, and gives you the final decision how you would like to live. If He gives you a map and a compass, you can choose to throw it aside and call your own shots. Or you can hold on to His hands, and allow Him to gently guide you to live a life of joy and victory. That is how we were meant to live.

Not the first time I learn about the fragility of life, but it's a lesson I learn from time and again.

Lord, come bless and protect the child. And for us, to even more appreciate those around us.

Thank you Lord for the opportunity to serve at Teens Encounter. I think it was there that I faced up with the sense of uncertainty & insecurity.. it was there when I learnt that You have given me "not a Spirit of timidity, but a Spirit of power, of love and of sound mind" (2 Tim 1:7) That I can have the power to do what I have been tasked to do, the ability to love people whom I'm not even close to, and sound mind to plan and direct with wisdom. More importantly, thank You for the great team that I work with, people whom I can entrust tasks to do, people whom I can seek for wise advice. :) And I have been so blessed in this process by mentors who kept affirming me of what I'm doing.

I think one of the greatest gift I would really like to have for this birthday is to see breakthroughs in the lives of people, and to continue to believe that God is continually working in their lives. And not just in their lives, but in mine too! That I experience daily the freedom to live victoriously in Jesus. :)

And even when I stumble, You will not let me fall.

I've been looking back at the past quite a lot lately. First came Sec1 class gathering, where we reminisce & laugh about our seating partners & teachers. Old clique began to meet up quite a bit lately, Clarissa showed me the P6 letters we used to write to each other. :D It was really looking back at ups & downs.. So much of it that my emotions are stirred. Sometimes I do wonder if it is a good thing to look back.. "Xin suan" (heart turned sour, literally) is perhaps an emotion I felt most of the time.

Perhaps it indicates that we have not totally let go of the past. Or maybe it's just old sentimental me. :)

Recently, I get the feeling that my friends call me out of convenience. Some don't even call. :( Am I being overly sensitive? And something tells me, "Get the right focus instead!" I should.

3 months later...

It's been 3 months since I posted, but it had actually felt longer than that. I've gotta say much has changed and progressed these 3 months!

1: Much much more familiarised with work (but still finding it hard to talk to the adults?)
2: Leading SALTY(my Sec3 youth cell) has been a blast!

Guess I got to know more people, as well as know some people better. And sometimes still finding that there are just friends who are there for me even with so many changes and stuff. It's really comforting to having people like Khoo, Chiam and Ling around :)

Shall blog something longer another time.

How would I know if it is, or if it is not?

Back from PL camp! :)

Before the camp, I felt quite sian because the high-ness from training kinda died off. Not just hesitant, but also afraid since it's my first time facilitating as a mentor in a camp (besides Youth Camp which is pretty much different in terms of demands).
I think I was quite okay on Day1, just that I felt like there was this barrier between me and my mentees, and I wasn't doing much about it. Kinda not daring enough to cross the fence. I also don't have the habit of empowering people with tasks. It makes me feel like I am ordering people around, and Mr Glenn has told me before that I shouldn't feel that way. I still tried to empower them especially since I had so much on my plate. Later that day when I had to facilitate the games, I felt stretched since I was alone with 20 students. Deniece came and gave me some feedback and got Auntie Jenny to help. I felt a little like "pride gone" but I know I needed help. Kept telling myself to have a teachable attitude rather than feeling insulted. I learnt and applied their skills the next day. I guess that's one thing I felt proud of myself.
On the second day, I tried to let things loose too. When we were doing mahjong work, I gave them more liberty to write on the mahjong paper themselves. I was quite happy with the results - in spite of limited space, most of them engaged themselves and I only needed to engage the few who are a little 'heart-not-there'. Thank God for wisdom in managing such a large group of people. :) As for our showcase, the kids really got good sense of judgment to vote for 2 of their friends to do the 'em-ceeing' and the two happen to be pretty strong leaders too! :) It really made job easier for me. Our showcase was quite a success. :D And it was staged purely by their own efforts! :) Due to limited time, I only managed to affirm some publicly in their group. There was this team spirit that I see - when I affirmed those few, the rest cheered for their friends. It was not like the kinda of spirit of "why you affirm her only". And this unique spirit is like super commendable. :D

All in all, it seemed impossible to have a 2 day camp but we did it!! :D There was the 'give-and-take' and we may have to sacrifice doing some activities due to time constraints. However, it is because of the limitations that brought out the best in us - we just couldn't waste any minute and we conquered the thought of impossibility! :)

I understood 1 Cor 10:13 better today...

"There are so many distractions. And You promised to make a way out, so I believed in You."

This was my conversation with God during staff intercession, and SP encouraged us to give thanks to God.. It's a really good practice. Instead of saying, "God, give me give me", we started every sentence with "I thank You for..." And as I prayed tt, I began to thank God for the things that He has given me (what I have) rather than focus on what I dont have. :)

God is awesome yo.

Hello 2011. :)

What I am really excited about now? Leave this Friday = SFC Gathering = Great time of bonding and being myself. :)

Not that I am putting on a mask. But you know, there are certain expectations that are placed on us when we are working or serving... And sometimes we really need some time to just chill and play! And I begin to appreciate more the times of just being myself before God - just as a child . :)

I heeded Cheryl Chiam's advice to list down "10 things I did well" and "10 things I struggled with" in 2010. I struggled to list down. It's like an intentional way of capsuling the year that has just passed so quickly. But it was good. I even wrote down an extra column, "10 blessings from God in 2010"... But you know, God always does more things than we think we can thank Him for. Simply put, His love and care is unconditional - even if we fail to see some blessings in our lives, He's not going to love us less. :)

10 things I want to thank God for:
1. The liberating experience at Youth Camp
2. BFC - the group of friends who have been thr much tgt
3. LEADS - learning not to think so much but depend on God's word
4. My job and pay! :)
5. Being with me thr transition and beyond - thr the grief n uncertainties
6. My boys, a rewarding ministry
7. A good supervisor who is pastoral & firm
8. My friends who have been thr A levels!
9. Love of family at home
10. My new cell group! :) Interesting sharing and caring leaders

This morning, I can't help but to sing "You Are So Faithful".

Sometimes we may not know what God is doing, but we just need to know that He knows what He is doing right?

In the midst of the storm,
Through the wind and the waves,
You'd still be faithful
You'd still be faithful Lord

Happy moments

Friends really add flavour to our lives. (:

Kelong trip with cell group! A lot of first times - going on a kelong in SG, sleeping on the swaying thing and waking up every now and theny, kayaking! Yay, I really enjoyed much. Partly because I always felt that so far all we have done as a cell is go into deep discussions. But there ought to be more to cell life that just that! Not bad for a first year tgt. (: I really enjoyed kayaking much! It felt like a journey twd a deserted island i.e. pulau ubin. (: And my arms ached 2 day after that. Not to mention that back at church, the projection screen seemed to sway due to the kelong "side effects". Hehe!

Meet-up with Hz, Jassy, Cher, and Jia Yi - Yay Hz congrats for losing weight! I'm still not used to it though...

Aly's birthday at the yacht! Wooh! I really enjoyed the company of our girls and so much fun we had there - balloon fight, tau-pok Aly (you girls r really heavy! kidding!), and xx's puking incident. Hehe. She is the 2nd person that I hear talking gibberish when drunk. And it's so so funny! (: Girl, you better not drink much next time!

Lunch with Wendy, Clari and Joyce (P6 cell mates!)- IKEA meatballs, awesome chicken wings, POSH brownies, seafood platter, cheese fries and bubble tea!!! Enjoyed catching up, but wish there was more time. (:

Happy birthday Cheryl Chiam!!!

I miss BFC and SFC mates. ):

I'm thankful for a day's break.

I went in without much more expectation for better or for worse. I was just glad that I crossed the river, made the decision for now, after crying so much. The expression about tears falling like water tap is no joke. But really really, through the storm, we learn and we come out stronger. All that I imagined for the worst at that point of time was somewhat a lie. And if we entertain those thoughts, the lies grow to become bigger and bigger. It's like they can grow. But yet, the truth reigns, if only you would believe.

It's inevitable for people to have conflicts and misunderstandings. Sometimes, because of our concern for something, we can become insensitive to others' needs too. /= But I guess... we really learn to accept each other's flaws and still keep loving one another with the love of Christ.

Actually at that point of time, while at the table, I was really so amazed by the grace that someone else can show to me. And I realised, no other place could be like this. Really, no other place.

IM FINALLY AT NEW TESTAMENT! :D

Wooh! Okay I did skip some parts of old testament and it amounted to a month or more worth. Hahaha. But it's still so good cause I forfeited last year in March. I really enjoy new testament, and I am really understanding some of the things more compared to before. (: SP's sermons on discipleship really helped so much! (: Today, I looked at my library of books, and I really wonder what other Christian literature can help me to know God's heartbeat better than the Bible? After all, it's like a first person account! (:

I enjoyed my week because of the food and stuff. Hehehe. SP's birthday so the staff went for ala carte buffet at East Coast, and it's really worth the px! (: But I guess we were all full and satisfied, which means work productivity got low when we got back to office. Hehe. (: I'm still in a mode of "don't know why I'm here" actually. But besides that, I've really gotten to know colleagues better. (: Let's just pray that the transitional feeling will be over soon.

Good meet up with BFC over at Wanhui's birthday celebration, and with SFC over at Jem and Tricia's wedding. (: But people are just busy and constrained by time so I don't feel like we really had much time to catch up and stuff. However, thinking about it again, sometimes the "having fun together" part matters most. Not about having to get into deep discussion or what all the time. I don't think my brain can take up to that stuff for now either! :D Sometimes when I go for cell discussion, I really just feel like my brain is hibernating already. ):

Chiam's email really brings a smile to my face. I had a good laugh at some parts.. I think I really need some comedy around. Kinda demotivated to do some stuff.. And sometimes looking at some things, they seem to be stagnant.. I ask myself sometimes, "where's the transformation, where's the change??" I realised I've been feeling jaded over this issue. Somewhat discouraged. But I recall a song this morning (I cant remember it now) and I decided to look to Jesus. He who is great in power and my strong tower.

I really don't know how to survive at work without the bunch of girls in my office (that includes Hitomi who has been banished to the other side, but she keeps visiting us and brings life to the office!). Each of us always have our nonsense period and the rest can't help but overhear and comment. I think that's really healthy work environment. We're not drowned by our work such that we forget that people do exist. And we bring small bits of joy into each other's lives. (:

Meanwhile, I have been revisiting things that I used to do, just to remind myself that I'm still youthful and such. Hahaha. There was this crazy period that we just love to do this ballerina-klutz jump-fly thingy and taking shots of it. We look really retarded. (:

Chiam's departure has somewhat helped keep the friendship going stronger because we're emailing n stuff. Really, I guess it really took her courage to fly to China. While 6 months isn't long, and neither is it short, I really can't wait for her to return. ): But besides that, I really hope that she'd learn smth unique from her trip.. (:

I asked myself today, "Why don't you feel tired having to come to church twice a week?" At first I reasoned that it was like a routine kinda thing, but I realised it was not even that. Church has always been a place where I can really put everything down and just look to God- to who He is, and not what I'm not. (: I feel so at rest each time I come to church. And perhaps, this is something that I just can't quite find elsewhere.