Im sorry for showing my mood to people these few days. I know my mood's been crappy. I'm either hyper or I get really crappy and it's not for no reasons. There's alot of reasons for my moods. Sometimes it's the stress that I feel and I just wonder why I have to go through all these. Why did I choose to go for debate, thimun and stuff? Why cant I just learn to be a student who studies and that's all? And sometimes when I get really quiet in the morning when I reach school, it's because Im simply enjoying the serene within my heart at that point of time. There was this need to quieten down. And at times when I go really crazy, that's probably my usual self or sometimes, Im just escaping from all the rahrah stuffs for a little while. I will try not to show my mood if you guys dont like it. I mean if it's me, I wont like it either. Still, sorry people.
-------------------------------------------

That was a good analysis of my emotions. Like what Wendy has been telling me in the past, dont let my emotions control me. I'll really try. (:
I really hate this life somehow. Sometimes like and sometimes hate. I wish I could just go through the routine of a human without any climaxes in my life. But I have always want to live a life that's different, that has impacts to it. But now Im getting tired. I did my QT and it talked about spiritual exhaustion. Doing service for God. But what am I doing now? Im serving work and more work instead. Im so tired. And I really wish to pull out of debate. But I cant bear to. Maybe if I really cant stand it, I will. But for today, it's a commitment Im making and Im not gonna back out last minute. There's just so many things I wanna do but dont dare to. And so many things I dont want to do but cant bear to let go. Am I really enjoying? Yes, there's all the satisfaction after a speech is made. But what do I really want.
We've seen people getting their O levels result today. It felt like Im gonna be there next year and when Im there.. would I be part of the smiling ones or the crying ones.

Sometimes life gets so hard to get on with whatever you're doing. I guess I have to really have more confidence and yeah, trust the Lord and lean not on my own understanding.

Goodluck later. I can do it! (: