grant me serenity

Have I been yielding myself to the Lord for use. Or not?

I love to praise and worship God with my fellow worship warriors, I love to discuss about our lives together, I love praying for one another.
But when the tough times come, I forget who I am in Christ. I do know that being in SA is good and I have actually gotten quite okay with some of my CG members. But I just won't let go of my comfort zone in NV. It just feels so difficult. Today, I didn't go for school. Cause' I'm very tired. I was dozing off almost every minute yesterday. I think it's the cough syrup and my mental state of dread.
I know the problem lies with me. My lack of belief. My lethargy. I just have to fight on for God like in the past. Where is the warrior mindset? Where is the eagle? Just to wait for the Lord and to soar on wings, God's wings.
I'm really happy to say that God has never given up on me. That thursday, I went for morning worship and truly, God has comforted me through a prayer made by the person leading worship. She was saying that sometimes we do God's will unwillingly. Like I go SA, but my mind was against it. She asked, will we say to God, 'here I am, send me.'
It's a fact that I can never go back to happy times in NV, but I know I can create one in SA. It's a fact that God hears our prayers and it only depends on whether we will say to God, 'I need you.' or to continue moaning for an answer for whatever is happening to us. I scorn defeat, I hate to hide from my problems and act like nothing has happened. Just how many times have we ran away from our problems so that we are 'spared' from the pain and fear? You know you'd never learn anything just running away.
My God, I know You will walk through the waters with me. I know You will carry me through. I know You're still holding on to my hands.

I'm taking some time to remember assurances. He has told us, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9)
It takes quite a while to realise that no one can understand or help me except Jesus.