long story

What can I say but I'm blessed. And you can be too.

My family was facing a lot of problems and my parents almost divorced. The in-laws problem really turned this family upside down. I can say I was at the age when nothing mattered. Glass shattering, shoutings, and mum telling my brother and I the plan when Dad and she divorce. Daughter follow mother, brother follow father. At that time I was so fed up with them cause’ I just felt that they only know how to quarrel. I went, “Okay.” And my mind probably went like, “Why don’t you make it fast?” I don’t remember if I have ever prayed to God. But I know my mum did. She was having thoughts of ending her life when she got to know Christ in the lift. Cool place, I guess. She was talking to a neighbour about her problems when a stranger talked to her. That stranger became my mum’s probably best friend now. She lived below our unit then. She has an awesome testimony too. My mum had no other road to go to, she chose to know Christ. And brought me along. I played games with the aunt’s son, Nelson. Very fun. Mum said I ever dozed off and uncle had to carry me up. Who was God then, don't know.
ADD: It is noteworthy that my family relations is really great now, in case you're wondering or worried. Thank You Lord.

We joined a church in Primary 6. That was the don’t-know-what-i-was-doing phase of my life. I had a crush that probably the whole Teenz zone knew. I went to church like just to watch people act and we discussed stuff in cell. I can’t even remember what we talked about. Nothing bible-related that I can remember. Except telling my cell leader how cute that guy was. Haha. I joined backup singing. That time of my life, I was paranoid about people hating me. Like I was a pest. I found myself irritating. Hated myself. I left church as a result. Who was God then, didn't seem He could help me.

I couldn’t face God. I had a hard time struggling to go church. I tried going to other churches. I could imagine going anywhere but my old church. God is amazing. He does the things that I deemed impossible. When I went for FOP with Jiamin and Dudley, God’s presence was so real. I saw this vision of blood washing the big black letters sin. Washed it clean, white. I went back to church. I am amazed when I look back now. How did I even convince myself to land back there? I know that back then, I would not have had the courage to even step into the church. How much more would I even go and see a group of strangers who are now my cell buddies? Indeed God has brought me back. He couldn’t bear seeing me lead a life of struggle and darkness. Who was God then (and still is), filled with compassion and forgiveness.

Even as now, my walk with God can still be quite shaky sometimes. But I truly believe that He will never let me go. He will help me. You see the change in me? When I used to be a terribly temperamental (moodswinger)? When I was such a paranoid and I hated myself so much? When my mouth was filled with dirty jokes? Now, I go to church with a purpose to know Him more. I live life that I know is purposeful. My heart has no veil. My heart is opened to face the things that I dared not to. I am not bound by chains. Who is God now, someone who calls me friend and knows my name.

God has never changed. He has always been a wonderful and loving Father. It's our perspective of Him that changes as we know Him more.

Quite unfair to deem Him as this and that. Know Him for yourself. (: