I am so tempted to write down a list of what I've not done so far but I kept telling myself to keep optimism since it's one of the things I find hard to keep hold of. Or is it not. I dont know.

Yesterday, while watching tv for the 3rd hour, someone came to our door to sell something. I don't know why, but I realised that I said 'no' too quickly. I'm glad I gave second thoughts and bought when my mum asked me if I wanted to. After the person left, my heart was as heavy as a stone. That was the much I could do for him and I really wanted to do more. So I said a prayer for the person. This is something that I really love about prayer. When you're helpless or cannot do much for someone else, you can pray for them. (=

I'm glad I spent time to do some dreaming yesterday and reflecting today.

You're my very present help. This I claim in Jesus' name.

Cell retreat was a good time for me to reflect and talk to God. Though it was a short time span, I'm so amazed by how God can use the little time to speak to me through His word...
I was sharing with my cell group during worship about how we can get so caught up trying to go with our own ways, and how God can lead us if we'd only be willing to be led. You know most of the time when I share, these are the very things I struggle with too. So there I was, still feeling upset about my studies (as though that one lousy attempt should mark me down). There was this disappointment with God, but I know that it wasn't fair to Him because I did not let Him work. The scripture of the day's devotion was on Isaiah 50 and as I read, it was like everything within me went silent or something. I would say, I was happily speechless. In fact, God addressed all the unfair discontentment that I had with Him. It felt like God was asking me, "I called but you didn't answer. Did you think that I'm incapable of rescuing you?"
As I shared this with some friends after that, I began to see that we'd all like to glorify God with our studies. But if we do not involve Him, even if we do super well, what glory is that to Him? I believe that God would rather I commit my studies to Him, than to slog my whole life out and void of Him. And after all, God is sovereign and in control.

Sunny days and starry nights, and lazy afternoons.

This is one of my fav line from the Winne the Pooh song 'Your Heart Will Lead You Home'. (: I remember the first time Dudley shared with us the song because he was going to sing it for our school's singing competition audition. Haha! I think I've grown quite a while after that eventful time. Haha. I still remember my schedule then- choir debate church. I wonder how I survived those times. But I definitely miss doing that kinda stuff.

Back to that line, I wish I take more time 'sky gazing'. I used to be able to do that kinda stuff, looking at the beautiful sky in the morning, going to school 15 min before bell rings. But now, I go to school when it's dark, I go home when it's dark too. (But the situation got better recently.) And haha, holidays, I wake up when the sun's shining down on me. (; I really wonder how it'd be like when I get into the working world. But I definitely know one thing, I'd still take a moment to look, ponder and reflect. It's me. (:

Anw, I spent yesterday with clique. The best thing about being with them: Everywhere and anywhere with them is fun. (: We met at kovan to lunch and rent movies to watch at my house. But we actually spent like 3hours plus in kovan? I have no idea how we spend our time. Rented 27dresses. It's quite a nice show.

I think some people might be thinking it's a little crazy to even meet up with your friends, go to church or what when time is running faster than your schedule. But I don't know, I think I like to throw in some time for some people and some of my personal stuff. It makes my holiday worthwhile. (: Afterall, the race continues right?

cheap hope?

Looyee, I think you should either burn your tv and bed, or you can try setting a bomb that activates when you watch or sleep too much. Like 8 hours and 1 min later, poof, you're gone. Besides that, you're supposed to be golden aging now but your notes are just beside your comp as you type away. How wonderful. E-learning really helps huh.

The above is suppose to crack me up. I'm learning not to be too hard on myself (or even too nice sometimes), and minus the use of negative words on anything though it can be tough.

So, how did I spend my day? I went to church and the guest speaker was really funny and he answered a question that I've been thinking about during youth yesterday. I went home and slept. Guess how I woke up, I dreamt that I had to practise dancing and balancing with one foot on a chair while doing that, and it was so scary I woke up. (Please pray. I'm always getting funny dreams and I feel more exhausted than if I had stayed awake. ) Haha. Watched memoirs of a geisha by justifying that I wasnt in the mood to study and anw I hadnt watched the show. It was quite nice and the actress is really pretty. See I am not a biased person.

But I guess better things could have been done in some other days. Besides studying, watching tv and sleeping, which I don't mean are bad things, there can be more. I mean I cannot believe if today is my last day on earth and all I've done in the while are sleeping, studying and eating. Like.. "Yay, I've fulfilled my purpose in life." with a super blank face because you really dont mean what you said.

Open my eyes to see, the many blessings You have showered upon me.

I was never really a study-study kinda student when I was younger. I don't remember studying or revising for my primary school work. Except for the very vivid memory of my really poor science results since Primary 4, when my teacher made us write down explanations for MCQ why the choices were or were not the answer. Imagine... 30questions x 4 choices= 120 explanations. When I scored my first 70 for science in Primary 6, I went to find my p5 teacher happily to tell her because she was one of my favourites. The next test result, it went back to my usual 50-60.

I dont really know what spurred me to do better in Secondary 2. Perhaps because in Sec1, some guys apparently were ranked before me. Haha. Or maybe it was the sudden competitiveness to get full marks for math in Sec2. But I know one thing. I was very far away from God then, but yet He chose to bless me with outstanding results.

Perhaps from then, sometimes we become quite competitive in studies but yet still really close friends who help one another. One thing which I have always been grateful for. When I returned back to my church and spiritually I grew, I began to understand that such competitiveness can be killing. Half the time, I told myself not to compare, another half I try to keep myself sane with the sustinence of His word and comfort. I won't say that I've done well in managing my stress level and emotions then, but I do know at least I tried.

Coming to JC is yet another hurdle which I have to overcome. I have to admit that I've been holding the defeated mentality. I pray that God will help me to change my mindset, to be able to manage my commitments and continue to be blessed with good results. This I ask in Jesus' name, amen! (=

I forgot. Thank you Rach and co. for the wonderful cake surprise! To sammie, I love the photoframe. Going to put them on my desk to scare myself with your faces everyday. (:

I seriously wish that camp never ended. It was so great to have known new people, to be able to do speeches without trembling like in the past, and find some people who truly have a tender heart for God. So great to crack jokes with people, etc.

I really hope the campers can unite once again when school reopens! (:

I have a question which I don't know if it should be left unanswered or not.

camp

Today is quite a happy day. (you must be thinking I'm strange as you read on)

I just got back from camp earlier because I caught some stomach viral illness and had to get back home to rest. Really wished I could be there with my friends though.. And to see the end of the camp. And our popeyes lunch. )=
But I still really thank God for helping me to be able to do the workshop, despite me being sick. And I asked Him before the camp to show me new insights. Indeed, I have learnt much through this camp.

We just took the spiritual gifts quiz. It was sucha long questionaire. Mine is teaching which I hope I have been utilising.. (=

[unwell for a full meaningful blog post]

looking at this photograph

Before I head for camp and forget everything that happened this week..

It all started with a simple prayer.. "God, for this birthday, can you show me that my friends really care?" I think we can be all honest that it feels good when people remember our birthdays and plan to head out together etc.

Surprise 1: Last Sat, after GDOP, my cell group celebrated for me and Beatrice.
Surprise 2: Sophia went to buy birthday cake, but they told me that something happened at her house. So I was like worried and wanted to call her to see if she's okay but don't know if I'd call her at an inconvenient time. Until when I asked again and Hiren kinda absentmindedly told me that she went to buy cake. Haha. Yujie was like, "huhhhhh?" and he repeated himself again. Haha. I had to act surprised so that they wont feel disappointed. But they found out in the end. Opps.
Surprise 3: Met up with Samuel (Chia) because we hadn't met for so long! He went to "buy a drink" and called me to go to the playground. There he was with the cake. Haha. Good time talking to him. And the nice surprise. (=
Surprise 4: My family celebrated my birthday with a cake and sang birthday song for the first time! =D
Surprise 5: Chesed singing birthday song to me over the phone! Haha. I was like.. huh who's this in my mind. Haha. Have fun for your trip cheese! (=
Surprise 6: My dear Cherlyn appeared with slices of cake and clique shared it at Starbucks. Been so long! (=

Thank You God for all the wonderful surprises. and to be able to meet up with oldies. (=

for you are His personal concern

Angels and Demons was a superb movie. I seriously held my breath and covered my mouth with my hands in suspense. It was so so good. And I feel like I'm the only one who got cheated by Ewan Mcgregor (so far everyone seems to have read the book) because I thought he was so so nice! I still like him anyway. I bet I have moaned over this for two days because I felt so betrayed. It was such a nice twist but I wish he would turn back on his way or something and not burn himself to death.... )= Besides that, I think the movie was so good. I was so touched by the part when people came and saved the last pope, and the part when he went up to the sky to 'sacrifice himself for the people'. )=

Yup, this post is basically just for me to continue with my anguish.

Besides that, the real holiday is here. (better than nothing) My schedule's packed but I still got some room for slacking i.e. my birthday. No one studies on birthdays. It's too tragic. (= Looking to maybe gather with some oldies (it's been a long time since clique unite!) or just simply chill. Anyway, I really really appreciate BFC and A3 for celebrating my birthday. They really made my day and makes me feel appreciated at the same time too! Thank you BFC for the greatest fellowship (i really cant wait for cell retreat), and A3 for making school life more enjoyable. (=

Happy birthday Michelle. (=