So much for photos. Well, today had school and I think Im getting more and more tired no matter how much I sleep. Maybe I shouldnt sleep then there'd be adverse effect. Dad and mum saw my report book and just say it's ok. I mean like.. they didnt praise me for anything. After slogging my whole life studying like some psychotic monster. )= Nvm. Im used to it anyway. I guess they do know that I worked hard, in a way. And well, had thimun after that and Mr Lim gave us our certs for the previous debate. Got the sense of pride. Haha. I've never dreamed of having a chance to debate at all. And the opportunity had come its way by itself. Raised my morale and so I think I wanna join the upcoming debate, that is if Mr Lim wants me to. Haha.

*Alot of blessings, alot of sorrows, alot of everything that I just wanna give thanks to the Lord.
*to JM: will keep you in prayer. rock on girl and never give up. stay strong in God's strength. (:

RANDOM. (:


Monsters signaling silence at exam hall. (:

Spongebob FC! (:

Our gay face creation.

Where to find better monsterous friends. (:

My guitar instructor cum friend. Haha.

Backup partner longgg ago. (:

Cameron Highlands! (:

Hand dryer ad. (:

Some 'prop' we used to do our video skit

1E1-o4' (: I love our toot hairstyles!


Future model of S'pore. Eww. (:

BFC-o6' (:


Posers!

Got back report book today. Haha. Instead of talking about the results, Im going to talk about the comments! (:

Sec1
-Looyee is a very helpful and hardworking Prefect who shows interest in learning. Keep up the positive work attitude.
-Looyee is a hardworking and conscentious student who takes pride in her work. She is a responsible English representative and is capable of excelling in her studies. (I didnt do well in sec1 so I guess she wrote that. Haha. You know teachers like to lie to boost your self-confidence.)
Sec2
-Looyee is a hardworking and quiet girl. She also takes pride in her work. (Quiet. (: Thankyou.)
-Looyee demonstrates strong personal effectiveness and shows pride in her duties as the school prefect. She is a hardworking student who has achieved above average results, She displayed positive attitude towards school work and shows maturity in managing studies and as a school prefect. (That's because I dont do my duties well so I can 'manage'. Haha. )
Sec3
-Looyee has been a reliable and repsonsible student. She is always helpful to her peers and teachers. A conscientious student who is capable of achieving good results.
-Looyee is a lively and responsive student. She always seizes opportunities to develop her potential through continual learning. A self-disciplined student who requires minimum supervision and always completes given tasks effectively. She is also gracious and does not hesitate to help her friends. ( GRACIOUS! HAHA! And I dont agree that Im self-disciplined.)

Im so happy. I've gotten A2 for my LEAPS. Haha. No longer need to improve on it. (:

So erm well, today was really boring. Had the mama Chinese course and the cher' actually told us to do compo when we're already in holiday mood. If she made me write English compo I wouldnt grumble. So yeah, the teachers are making me tired of Chinese. But it's still for my own good yeah? Monsterrr. I hope I can get an A for Chinese 'O's then I dont have to retake another one. Been talking with peers about 'O's. Seems like time is just passing so fast. Feels like PSLE was just one year before. Haha. And maybe tomorrow will be 'A' levels. Haha. Erm, one thing to keep in my mind: really really stop comparing. So fed up with myself. )=

Rah. Been facing some crap problems w Blogger recently and deleted all the images I uploaded. Then joyce tell me to change to Beta. So well, dont really know why the meaningless need to make two different versions when they are so alike in many ways. Wish myself happy blogging. Haha. Sorry Im feeling monsterous now.
Anyway, today went to church and the speaker talked about seeking God at work. God's presence is evidental in the success, favor and blessings that He has given us. Doing secular work with purpose to please God makes its accomplishment meaningful too. I think this related alot to my exams this time. In the past, it was just study and pray before papers. Now, God is at work all the time. (: I used to take blessings from Him superficially but now looking back, God has really blessed me so much.

*Rahhh. I tried to too. But I couldnt. Shitfaces.

Choir

Today had choir early in the morning. Sometimes really dont have the motivation to go there cause damn tired and all. But mr liew never fails to keep me awake during choir. Dudley came! (: And at first I was pretty worried that none of the guys I call would go. Haha. Credited to Charis too. And Yuwei invited Waihong to go too, I heard. It's great that the girls are contributing to Choir's improvement. (: And I think that yeah, the Choir's mindset is impt and Im going to try to stop my pon-tang thoughts.
Didnt go church today. Feel so guilty lar. Cause I was very tired due to my irresponsibility of staying up late. )= And I felt so worried that not going one time will cause me to backslide from church. Lord, I bring all these 'unhealthy' thoughts to You. Help me to stop thinking about them.

SENTOSA! (:

Today went to Sentosa with clique, Lewis and WJ. Actually didnt really feel like going cause I felt mentally exhausted lar. With all the things at hand, Im just not in the mood to go through mental battles. Ok, so I think I tried to make myself numb, just go and get over it. Haha. But really, Im glad I went cause the breeze is just something that I cant miss. Really a great destress thing. Haha.
So we went to explore abit then went to the beach. The water there is blue-r than East Coast's lar. Then, like every other time, I found huge lump of seaweed. (: So cool des-neh. Haha. Then we made some weird faces out of the beach ball Juv bought and the seaweed. So cool lar. Haha. The pic is w juv so I will plead her to send it to me asap and upload here. (: I didnt get a chance to name the weird face cause it got washed off by the waves. )= Took some really gay and random pics w Juv's cam that it went hot. Haha. And I think she's a really disgusting mama who can think up of alot of nice and disgusting poses. (: Sat on the beach tram and it was ultra nice lar. At first me and cher sat at the back that faces the opp side so she said, "Seems like we're leaving the unhappy things behind." So we imaginarily threw our burdens down. Haha. So gay. The breeze is damn nice lar. Anyway I never knew Sentosa was really an island alone. Ok, Im slow.
Walked the road that joins Sentosa with S'pore main island and the path was great lar. The view of the sunset was really great. (: So at the other end of the road was Vivocity and we went to find our Espirit bag but me and cher lost the feelings for it. Haha! (: So sad lar. But if I really cant find nice bags, I think I'd get it. Went to the nice seaview place at night and the place never changed. But sometimes just quietening isnt really that great. You'd just start thinking about so many stuffs that you just cant find a solution to it. But I'm trying to keep the habit of being remind of God's mighty and amazing power that He can make impossible things possible. It only depends on whether it's good for you. So I guess I should just trust in Him and He will make my paths straight.

*Isaiah 40:31 But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not be weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Photos up in next post, perhaps.

Wednesday
Went for choir and missed the thimun meeting. Practices w/ mr liew is really more fun than sectionals. Sectionals put ppl to sleep. Practices keep someone who didnt sleep for days awake. Haha. Cause' mr liew can be so scary lar. Haha. Really hope we can get gold for syf, but more imptly, that all of us can change our mentality and all. Cause' mentality can really change the results in your performance, be it in sports, studies or whatsoever. Yeah. After that went to church and joyce taught me three more chords. (: Getting a guitar from cher at 20 bucks! Amazing huh. So cheap. But until i learn finish then i'd get a nice one to reward myself. Haha. (:
To joyce: Really thanks for teaching me! (:
Thursday
Had school till 1030. Heard that no one retain from E1-E3. (: To everyone: Even though we managed to pass through the storm, let's continue to perservere and aim high for O's! Haha. Sounds aspiring to me but I wonder if I can keep that kinda mentality. Supposed to clear locker but aly got me a box to put all my books. Seriously, I left all my books and files behind and even needed to borrow her locker to put some stuffs. So guess how estatic I am about bringing all the books back home. No report book today, not even a slightest clue about ranking or what. But I dont wanna know anyway. Haha. We're getting back on mon. )= Another boring day waiting ahead. Rah. Went to cp and clique went to explore barbie dolls! Say, "wow~". Haha. So gay lar we all. And juv bought this cool atm machine. Sometimes it seems like we really have enough of life that we need to 'go' back to the past childhood, the point of time when you go to sch for afternoon naps. Haha. Then went to Juv's hse and took some really nice videos. Haha. Staged some drama, host shows, etc. You name it, we've got it. Except for porn shows. Haha! (: Ok, maybe I sound abit robot in this post. Just tired, very tired.

* I just wish that the next morning even before I open my eyes, my mind will be serene. So that once I come back to life, everything will seem and feel fine.

Today went to Vivocity with Juv and Cher. One word to describe it: Huge. Haha. Even though I was really tired, I still managed to become hyper and we were totally crazying lar, esp at Toy'r'us. (: Well, the moment we got out of the mrt was like.. Human traffic. And I've been talking pics of toddlers w/o their parents looking. Haha. Or they'd interrogate me like Im some child rapist or what. Haha. Emm, went to Espirit and saw this really nice bag. We made a pact to get back there to buy it soon cause' Jas wasnt around. To jas, see how sweet we are. Say "aww~". Haha. Monster. I bought some clothes from Sam and Kev cause my main purpose for the trip was widen wardrobe. Haha. Went to Toy'r'us and saw alot of toys! What else to see lar. Tried on some monster mask and halloween costumes. Note that those costumes are for kids but we managed to wear skirts on our heads, tiaras, carry wands, wear wings and the witch hats. Haha. Took alot of pictures, mainly with Juv's cam. Then we saw this doll sitting on the pram then purposely push the pram fast and let the doll fly out. We'd become really bad mums when we grow up. (: And we went to see BARBIE DOLLS! HAHA! (: Spent most of our time at the play court where little kids get to play with water and there's this cool playground. Haha. The view of Sentosa is really nice and the breeze is great lar. The night view is even better! Haha. Ate at some jap restaurant and I decided udon seems nice! (:

I've the be-more-Christlike goal but I just cant seem to do it. I dont really like some stuffs about this friend of mine so I showed not much tolerance in some things. Part of me was telling me "Jesus is slow to anger, why aint you the same" and another part says "Just show your anger for a while. Afterall you cant stand it already." So I listened to part 2 lar. )= Lord, I feel like Im in despair. In church, Im like the nice girl who doesnt bite but in school, I've just totally become someone so not what I want to be. )=
And I wish that those internal conflicts in my class will end. You know, we dont have much time left so why dont you guys just make some peace. Why are things so unlike the first sems? When everyone just MIX around anywhere and neutral about everyone? I guess as we get to know each other more, the crowd divides and all. /=
I want to try hard not to gossip and judge people. I remember the Bible saying something about our words are very powerful and it's up to us whether to use it wisely or not. Out of your mouth can be praises and encouragements for people around to make their day better. And out of your mouth can also come words of hurt that follows with them throughout their lives. So I really want to the gift of speech wisely and put on a smile on everyone. (: And the thing about judging, I shouldnt judge people when Im like the same. And the best judge is God for He is perfect. Ok, the early parts of my post contradict with this paragraph but really, I hope to do what I've just mentioned. To speak it out and carry it out.

CELL BONDING! (:

Friday
Sch really boring lar. Have enough of the papers still want us to check papers. The whole class was like zombified cause alot of people didnt come. I went to sch just for thimun meeting then in the end meeting cancelled. so i was like holding the stack of research that i did painstakingly until lack of sleep and sfdgrhdfghj to janice they all. Haha. Then we went for some survey and the civil defence programme. So now you know why many didnt come for sch. Half way through, Mr Lim came in and I heard some stuffs about compre paper so I was like thinking "Dont tell me it's marking got problem! (: " Then it really was lar. Haha. I feel so thickskin lar. Vying for extra marks so I asked alot. To juvenal: Dont worry. Thanks to my thickskin-ness I think you'd get extra marks. (:

Sat & Sun
CELL BONDING WAS fjighuswighegh GREAT! (: Really thanks to our three great cell leaders! (:
Sat went to buy present for the angel and mortal game then Wanhui did follow-up w/ Soph and me. We talked about meaning of salvation and assurances. Really think follow-up will benefit me cause it can definitely strengthen my foundation in God. (: Then we went up for worship and Word. Boonyeow talked about victory in Christ. And I felt it related to me alot. (Ever since I came back to church, the Word seemed to be answering many questions of mine. And I feel so blessed. (: ) We shouldnt feel like losers but victors in Christ or His death on the cross would be such a waste. He died on the cross so that we may have authority over the devil, and not the devil over us. So I thought about the nightmares I've been having and how fearful I am every night. It was like my mentality was "Oh no. Sure will have nightmare one." So I shouldnt like be "expecting" for the nightmare but pray for protection and have the faith that God will answer my prayer. After service, we went for dinner and had ice-breakers. We broke up into two groups and one of the activities was to wrap one of our members up like mummies using newspapers. Ours was Joshua and after wrapping him, Wanhui used the masking tape and turn it round him lar. Haha. Poor thing. Then the leaders gave us two Bible verses and we were supposed to tear words from the newspaper to form the verses. Clari's group won overall in the ice-breakers. (: Then we had reflections and talked about how we've grown spiritually and how the cell has grown. I agree with Smarties that we dont really encourage each other enough so I guess Im going to work on that. And Joe made an evaluation form on our cell relationship and this created an awareness in me that I should really learn to be more concern for the cell members. (: Joe prepared papers with each of our names and we were supposed to pass around and write each other's qualities.
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Summary of my qualities:
Honest, straightforward, truthful, real, contagious laughter, cheerful, lively, potential joker, crazy, humble, straight-to-the-point, teachable, great encourager, dares to ask, thoughtful, brainy, kind, funny, nice voice, easy to get along, nice to meet you. (HAHA!)
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But actually I dont really think Im humble lor. I can be proud about my results one leh. For this exam I have no results to be proud of except that my SS and Chi improved and my Chem surprisingly still quite good. Oh no, back to talking about results. Haha. So people, dont think Im nice. (:
So maybe I should work hard to be humble. (: Anyway, we had worship and abit weird lar. Maybe cause I not used to holding paper worship. Haha. Then we ate supper and I think I ate like one box of fried rice and half-box of beehoon. Ok, it's weird to call em in box. Haha. And Wanhui keep running in and out of the pantry because she scared she laugh and *spish* all her food out of her mouth. Haha. And I did *spish* my food accidentally on Clari. Hope she wont see this post cause I dont think she knows. Haha! Played blind mice at around 2 or 3am and it's not the same as those playground one. Is pitch black and we are confined to a small space to play. Then the blind mice is blindfolded and they hang a torch around his/her neck. And cause I was lucky and didnt get caught, they sabo me by dragging me there or going beside me and clap to lead the catcher. )= Haha! So fun lar. Until the last game I kenna caught then I was like suspecting that all of em not over there. Haha. In the end I bump into one of em and they tell me actually three ppl playing w me only! Monsters! Haha. Slept at about 5 or so then woke up at 8. Vacuumed the place then did QT. Went for main service and something miraculous happened. Worship was great and Word was a reminder to us time is short. I guess I should really buck up, find all the energy back and do what pleases God. Really hope to be able to achieve the cell's goals and grow deeper in God's love.

*Sometimes I just really dont know what Im doing. Lord, I will learn to hand this problem to You too.

Results were all out today. I guess I felt better after getting my other results cause they were pretty well. (: Esp my chinese. I really didnt expect it lar. And I want to use this holiday to improve on my Chinese. Also, my Combined Hums has improved alot and I felt that my hardwork in understanding how to attempt SBQ and SE questions really paid off. Cause I wrote a few essays for cher' to comment. Heard that report book day is on 26th. Kinda worried yeah. /=
So enough of results, time for those extra activities to take place. THIMUN. Quite stressed up cause of inexperience and slackness. But as we work, we learn, I guess. All of us never went for it before so think we can confront our fears together. SYF. Practices taking place on December and I totally love preparing for SYF. Instructor aims for Gold, hope we can get it. (:
So I feel that the post-exam activities are quite gay lar. Why dont they just let us stay in school and do what we want or even better, dont come to school.
Im so tired of facing this problem. I wish someone can take it away for me. Im not in the mood to deal with it.

Results

Don't be mistaken by my post title. I wouldnt pressurise people/make people happy (because they got higher. haha. jk) by showing my marks. Instead, Im going to do the traditional way: Reflections. Haha. Ok lar. I got back 5 subjects results and even though I wish I did better, I cant deny that I've done better than what I feel I really deserve. I feel that I had really wanted to work seriously hard for this exam and instead, I pressurised myself and caused negative impact to my whole mentality. And so, I decided to enrol for mind strengthening course this holiday. Just kidding. I decided to ask God to help as I mould my whole mentality to the correct one lar, which is the dont-stress-yourself and dont-compare mentality. Haha. So you see, your brains aint the most important thing for exam actually, your mindset is more important. (: A quote from Charis "Only the determined achieve their goals. Winners never quit, quitters never win", which I agree to a totally full extent. I sent an sms (2 parts) to 14 people which is going to make my sms supply suffer alot but I felt obliged to do so. Because during the whole exam period (before, during, after), I've been showing how grieved I am like I've just lost 100000000bucks to them. Haha. They have their own exam stress and I add on to their burden. Doesnt that owe an apology? And my precautions failed lar. I realised once you are over at staff room area and your heart is totally screaming for results, your rational thinking vanish in a flash. And you start standing like some monster and cry like shit. Haha. I cry so much, I wonder why. )= So I remember that I said if I cry, Im going to ban myself from something yeah? Definitely not from laughing, acting monsterous or what.. I'll ban myself from crying. (: For how long I dont know. Haha. So, results reflection. English- I told Mr Lim about all the nightmares of him. And he was scared of me. Haha. But I dont know why, I scored for the compo which I had no confidence in! And I failed my compre. )= Alot of us failed that part I think but we are still wondering why we felt that the compre was easy. Haha. 100% pass of E2. (::::: Our MSG improved too. These are the only 2 things Im happy about. Haha. A Maths- Disappointed in a sense. Like if I had spent more time on geometry. But the thing that troubles me most is that Mr Aw seems disappointed with us. I see his face like so )= like that. Mr Aw, next year we'd do better! (: E Maths- Abit disappointed cause I could score higher if I got time to do graph. But fact is fact, I didnt have the time and this is the result that is my result. No if-onlys. Physics- Usual result lar. Never fail can liao. (: Geography- Congrats Juv! (: I think my marks got pulled down by SE but nevermind. I didnt study quite a few important chapters so I guess my marks were an allowance to me. 4 more subjects to go. I want to make sure my promises hold to account because I feel that all these while, I've tried to enforce some stuffs to myself and I failed to do so lar. All those I-must-hand-it-to-the-Lord things and dont-compare things. So, I must do what I say! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ So all those were sad and happy stuffs about results. Whatever. Haha. Today had the damn etiquette course. Like wow, we pay for things that are chickens-also-know thing. Ok, except for the cultery part and how to wear blazer. Why so ma fan one. Walk also care, sit also care. Monster. And our monsterous teacher was so stuck up lar. Anything. The conversation course was like quite sian too lar. Then we went to breeks to have our meal and it was quite fun lar. We were damn noisy there. And the desert was cool, as in the way they placed it with the chocolate syrup. Juv got a star on hers. Damn nice. Haha. And the food was so difficult to cut. I think I was eating 'minced meat' all the way. Priscilla was so lucky to have a insect that looked like mosquito invading her food. Haha. Sorta a class gathering to some of us. (:

Few precautions to remember before going to school on wed and thurs, or my health will be in danger. Haha.
1) Dont compare results.
2) Dont ask for others results. (Ok, quite difficult to do so. So practice isolation.)
3) Hope that no one will ask for your results. (Hear mp3 so that you got an excuse not to hear? Impossible. Teacher will confiscate mp3.)
4) It's not the end of the world.
5) You still got O-levels.
6) Most importantly, you did this all for God, not for men. (Col 3:23)
7) Second most importantly, God will be happy with your results, cause' you worked hard! (:
If I cry, I'm going to ban myself from.. I will think about it later.

This was the issue covered by NotReligion.com . I typed all this to register it in my mind.

"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." Luke 16:10 NIV

I think everyone has experienced the situation of cheating in a small little test when we were young and this verse sets as a reminder that be the thing small or big, we shouldnt cheat but we ought to practice integrity. Maybe you think that "It's just a test. Does it even matter? Who will notice?" Yes, it doesnt seem significant but the matter has to do with the motive and the character. If you cheat now in a small little test, in the future, you will continue to have the same motive and work on to cheating in "bigger matters' such as embezzling in company's funds. A small, insignificant decision can mould you to what you are in the future. So next time if you're stuck in deciding whether to cheat in a "small" thing, act like it's something "big". Be faithful and honest, allowing God to mould your character.

Oh yah. I DONT WANT GO SCH! idshfidwghjgha

I think Im a pro. I never fail to blog once a day. This is the first blog that I get so addicted to. Haha. Wonder if it'd last. Anyway, just 2 more days to school. And all of a sudden dont really feel like going to school anymore. Due to few reasons.
1) Results. The adrenaline in me might get too strong and I'll die of heart attack before seeing the results. Or after the results. In any way, my life is at risk on results day. Haha. Im just exaggerating.
2) .....
3) I get to sleep anytime I want at home. Haha!
4) Stress. )=
The only thing I look forward to sch is probably after-school-lunch. )=

Anyway, congrats to JM for her repainting room project. Haha. She used my paint to paint her name. Im so honoured. Haha!

Ok, so yesterday I wasnt bored to death because went dinner with Sam. Talked alot about results. Ok, maybe Im the one who kept talking about it. It's just so much intacted to my mind lar. )= Went to kovan's swing and we played blind mice, with 2 ppl only! So amazing lar. Anyway, it wasnt the first time we did that so no surprise. Haha. And most importantly is that it's fun. Except that I keep banging into things. Haha. Monster. Then we went to take 113 whole round to KPT until we were about to barf (vomit). Haha. Played the seesaw. Like those kind that is so bouncy that you can fly up and down to the seat with a thud. And we saw adriano! I thought it was my eyes playing tricks. Haha. Then this girl w him said to him, " You let people see your ugly side." Haha. You mean he has a handsome side?! Oh no, mocking. That's bad.

* Just getting more and more distant.

* You're my friend, You're my Father, for all time. Nothing can keep us apart. You're the Lover of my heart.

stolen from crystal's blog
1. Initials : tly
2. Name someone with the same birthday as you : winston? haha. gay
3. Favorite fruit : blueberries. (:
4. For or against same sex marriage : against.
5. Are you allergic to anything : monsters? haha.
6. Have you ever slept in someone else's clothes : yeah. when we stay overnight.
7. Name something physical you like about yourself : err. wrist? cause' it's thin. haha.
8. Name something non-physical you like about yourself : internal dialogue? haha.
9.Do you have any pets : nope. )=
10. If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be : spain! that's for going. for living, it's definitely australia. (:
11. Who is the last person you spoke to : clarissa. (:
12. Where would you want to go on a first date : anywhere.
13. Would you date the person who posted this before you : yeah definitely. HAHA!
14. Has anyone ever sang or performed for you personally : nope.
15. Ever been kissed under fireworks : haha! MONSTER!
16. Have you ever bungee jumped : no. )=
17. Song playing ten minutes ago : Lover of my heart
18. Are you racist : no, never.
19. What's your favorite songs at the moment : Holy is the Lord, Lover of my heart, janice's blog song. Haha.
20. What was the last movie you watched : omen. rahh.
21. Where was the last place you went besides your home : superbowl.
22. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property : alyssa's rescue me. haha. and ppl joined in.
23. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex : sure.
24. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex : hair. haha!
25. Say something totally random about yourself : i have a nice laughter. (:
26. Are you single : yeah.
27. Do you wish you were somebody else : never!
28. Do you speak any other language other than English : chinese and me and juv's language.
29. Has anyone you were really close to passed away : yeah..
30. Do you watch tv : haha. im not an alien.
31. What's something that really annoys you : know-it-alls.
32. What are some things you really like : i like anything lar.
33. Do you know how to pump gas : haha! no.
34. What's the latest you have ever stayed out : 3 am plus?
35. Have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die : yeah. haha.
36. Have you ever been dared to do something you didn't want to do : duh.
37. What color is your hair : black
38. What colour are your eyes : black
39. Favorite non-alcoholic drink : 100+, green tea which i kept downing myself w/ during exams (:
40. Favourite colour : orange, blue, green. (:

Went blog surfing and I saw this song. At first dunn even what it was until I saw its video. We sang it for choir during pri sch! I think we sang it for some performance or SYF. Haha. It's a damn nice song lar. Sounds very majestic with the Latin.

The Prayer
I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know
Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe

La luce che to dai
I pray we'll find your light
Nel cuore restero
And hold it in our hearts
A ricordarchi che
When stars go out each night
L'eterna stella sei
Nella mia preghiera

Let this be our prayer
Quanta fede c'e
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe.

Sognamo un mondo senza piu violenza
Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino
Simbolo di pace e di fraternita

La forza che ci dai
We ask that life be kind
E'il desiderio che
And watch us from above
Ognuno trovi amore
We hope each soul will find
Intorno e dentro a se
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Just like every child

Needs to find a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe
E la fede che
Hai acceso in noi
Sento che ci salvera
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I dont think I'd rot at home. At most I'd just get sick. Haha. Im not going to play comp game anymore. Makes me wanna vomit. )=
And I didnt go church today. Cause' had a totally bad dream lar. I cried the moment I woke up from Joyce's call. Haha. And I hope it wont come true. It wont. (: Haha, monster.

CELL DINNER! (:

Today was a great day lar. Went for church and like any other time, had this fire in me that spurs me on to going church and Im worried that this fire will extinguish like what happened in the past. So yeah, Im going to pray hard. (: Worship and word was great! Faith helped me alot in straightening my thoughts and she offered alot of help too. And no matter what, Im going to run after God and not turn back to others' ways. After that, the cell went to makan and celebrated Wanhui's and Aaron's birthday. (: Few of us went to 'ATM' and bought cake for them. They cut the cake like wedding like that. Haha. Then we had this 'zhong ji mi ma' for the losers to eat the rest of the cakes. So thanks to Ivan's suggestion of going clockwise in the guessing, I was the last person of the chain and I kenna the number. Haha. And they kept laughing at me for the way I eat?! Haha. Very fun lar. And we keep suaning each other. (: Really feel that God has blessed me with alot of things. Such as having such an on-going and enthusiastic-for-God cell. (: And I realised that our cell loves to take pics. Haha. We took pics of our ez-link cards, our feets (cause our cell is called beautiful feet) etc. Haha. And some of them adopted the monster quote lar. Lol. Cant wait for cell bonding next week! (:

*Lord, please teach me how to forgive her. And Lord, I pray for her salvation.

Random stuffs.
1) Im not ready to go for mission trip yet.
2) I should not..
3) I should read more of the Word of God so that I may be ready to raise the Shield of Faith and use the Sword of Spirit to attack and defend the arrows of the devil.
4) The Lord's word spoken to us must be consistent with His word.
5) I cant go for youth camp! )= All because of THIMUN! RAH! Ok, since this is so, I shall enjoy the whole THIMUN conference. As if I can enjoy when Im so scared about all the lobbying and stuff. God, please be with me and stay close to me. Help! Im such an anti-social and you want me to go up to some stranger/foreigner and discuss about stuffs all alone?! Nevermind! I can do in in God's strength. (:

"So no one can become my disciple without giving up everything for me" (Luke14:33, NLT)

It sounds like a deadly commitment however there's something to ponder on. Jesus did so much for us, so is it too much to ask that we give up a little in return? I used to think being a christian was just as easy as ABC but now there is this need to be clear that if you want to follow Him, you gonna give up everything for Him. He's not rejecting us or what, but urging us to count the cost. I know that right now I cant possibly give up all the worldly things overnight, but I want to work towards that. Towards a purpose of being my utmost for His highest. (:

Today went to beach with Jas, Cher, Jy, Hz and Eugene. Kinda fun. Beats nothing than to stay at home and totally rot. I've started on playing Diablo II again! Haha. Think it'd just be some short-term kill-time thing. After this short holiday dont really have much time for play in Nov/Dec holidays. ): THIMUN stuffs, SYF, E maths competition and probably some revision to freshen up. Seems like time is passing so fast! Like imagine, EOY has just passed! And later in a flash, O-levels is coming. ): RAH! Some of us ever tried to wonder what life will be like after graduation from Secondary school. Like we might not get in contact anymore (I HOPE NOT!), some might be going overseas and stuff. We kept talking about our aspirations today and I really felt they knew what they were doing. For me, Im unsure about my 10000 ambitions but I wont fear, cause I know my Lord will guide me on. (: And maybe my ideal future would be getting scholarship and going overseas study? Haha. I dont know. Just want a life that's different. It might take up some courage to do so but.. I know what I want: challenges. (:

"Du hou gan" for EOY papers (according to the papers sequence)
English: Could have done way better for compo. Compre was ok, except for vocab.
Social Studies: Should have spent lesser time doing SBQ. SEQ managed to chiong through. (:
A Maths: If I bothered to study more of geometry, I wouldnt have had the Qn12's marks flown away.
Chinese: Totally no comments. I dont know how well or how bad I did. But I tried my best. (:
History: Same as SS. But dont think I'd improve.
Physics: Should be quite ok. Even though I dont know how to do the vector qn. Maybe only ok for my MCQs.
Geography: Quite ok. Only my volcanoe qn got problem. And the monsoon and the tropical forest qn. )= But Geog is my only hope lar.
Emaths: Graph, graph, graph. )= And the sin, cos, tan qns. The rest ok.
Chemistry: MCQs ok. Section B dont know. Anyhow get anyhow marks, I guess.

I dont even bother to talk about the marks Im aiming for. Its depressing. And I dreamt that Mr Lim pointed accusingly at me for my English results. Am so scared lar. First was the 60 marks dream and now.. Maybe I should just avoid him whenever I can. So stressed up when I see him. )=

*Lord, I want to hand it all to You. I dont want to worry anymore. (:

YES! End of exams! The mental battle is over. But like Juv said, feels kinda lost yeah. I mean like the first thing to do once we get home is just open the damn textbook and readreadread. But now.. Just like got nth to do like that. Nevermind. Gonna kill time watching tv, sleeping, going out, going church. (: Yeah, and there's this challenge waiting ahead of me. To remove some mental barrier and yeah, Im free. Yeah, I wish it was as easy as I said.
I have already imagined the whole thing when we're going to get back our results. And I'll try my mighty best to keep a smile on my face and be thankful for my results. /= That's the most difficult thing to do.

*Lord, thank You for walking the whole way through with me. When I felt lost, You appeared. When I'm on the verge of giving up, You gave me strength to keep back on track.

Excerpt of me and jas' conver. If your hanyupinyin is bad, I suggest you not to read. And for better visual aid, I changed the nick to our name.

Me: looma tries to put on a smile on that day (results day)
Jas: r u alright? muz b drinking too much green tea. u're drunk
Me: wo mei zui....
Me: xiang gong wo men hai mei he jia pei jiu
Me: mei zui mei zui...
Me: ah! xiang gong! ni zai zuo shen me? ni zhe me tuo le wo de yi fu?
Jas: ni zui le
Me: wo zi dao ni hen zao ji, dan ye bu nen ze yang ma!
Me: xiang gong bie tuo le!
Jas: ni de figure na me bad,wo den bu yao leh
Me: *tuo-ing own's clothes
Me: aww. kinda sexy yeah
Me: tell you what. im posting this conver on my blog
Me: show the world how cute and sexy and disgusting we are
Jas: no dun. niang zi bu yao ah
Me: yao ma yao ma
Jas: bu yao. u put i xiu le ni. put u into zhu long. throw into the sea
Me: wo bu guan. wo yao gei da jia can wo men duo en ai
Jas: no way man. wo bu ai ni ah. wo ai huang shang
Jas: wo dui ni onli one nite stand
Me: aww. yi ye zhan

Everyday I wake up, I just seem to have fallen into another nightmare. Today's nightmare was a little different. It was that I lost 8 marks for a stupid graph because I didnt have enough time. Invigilator went "4 more minutes" and I just fastened the 1/10000 filled graph and handed it in. If the teacher didnt see the few words, he might have thought I just handed in a plain graph paper. Wasted. I should have returned it to cher' so that some other people can make better use of it. Can I just blame that stupid 2-angles-same-answer question?! I kept checking that qn cause it was like.. Totally weird lar. And I redo my first graph qn's table because I wrote at the back. Shouldnt have bothered to transfer it to the front. So I guess my time management does suck alot. )= But nevermind. God knows that I tried my best. This is probably the first exam period that I used up most of my mental strength. It's a challenge, to be mind-drained and still hanging on. Without You Lord, what would I have been? And they said that we'd get back all the papers on 19th. I hope I will be sick. They can try fedex-ing it home. I'd just deny the bundle of red-marked papers. I'll try not to eat eggs too. Just in case.

Eph 6:12 says it all. Where our struggles come from.

I dont show how I feel. Yeah, I used to think that I was very open about my feelings. But in this case.. I just want to keep it to myself. Because I dont wish to say anything that'd hurt any of us, I dont wish to say something I'll regret or realise it was wrong after I said that. Maybe time is the only thing that I need now: to think, to seek, to solve.
Yeah. Like what Joe said, belief-> attitude-> action-> result
My belief is right, my attitude is wavering, I dont dare take any action. The result is just waiting and more committing into it. Is that right of me? Aint I being selfish? Maybe I should just learn to not let my feelings control me, but to do what I should do. But why, why do I soften my heart everytime i try to make an end to things? Lord, please strengthen me. I dont want to make a mistake that will impact negatively in our lives.

Today's geog was ok lar. Just that there were so many stuffs to take and blah. The structured.. Im only confident about my 3rd qn. The other two.. Bullshit. I'll be glad if the teacher wont mark and vomit blood all over the paper. But overall, I did quite ok as I expect. What else can I expect of myself if I hadnt been studying finish for 3 papers? And not practicing much for my two maths paper? Yeah, I dont know why I just love to torture myself for reading each chapter two times, and still thinking I haven study, wasting all the time that i really never study for so many chapters. But still, it was God's mercy that I hanged on and did fairly well, I hope. But Im quite sure that i'd be getting all the 60 something and below. How am i going to go through all the mental torture? Is this what education is suppose to do to us? Making something that can be quite enjoyable to a mind-draining thing. I would love to have a 30 years education rather than squeezing all this stuffs into my brain in 15 years. Thankyouverymuch.

*I HAVE SO MANY I-DONT-KNOWS TO SCREAM OUT.

*I cant blame anyone for all these mental and spiritual 'confusions'. I was just too busy deluding myself to notice that they weren't confusions. I thought through but I didnt accept them as facts. Simple as that, but difficult to carry out.

*Lord, I tried. I pray for strength for this weak mind, for wisdom to understand why and for the father of lies to just stop corrupting this mind. In Jesus' mighty name, Amen!

Talk about today's papers. Horrible. Ever since the Amaths paper, I've continued to not attempting all questions. Im like angry with myself lar. Just so not used to going for exam w/o studying finish, breaking down during exams, chionging through the paper and really totally dont know how to do a qn. Why is it so different from the MYE period? Is it going to stay like this, even during O levels? I am really determined not to make room for regret for my prelims and O levels. Sorry for being so far-sighted.
Anyway, I only managed to sleep for two hours, which was good, compared to some other people who totally didnt sleep lar. Physics had some difficult qn and i anyhow use any kind of eqn that i think is related to what im supposed to find. I totally dont know how to find those heat capacity shit. Ok, just c6 and I will be happy. History.. I think I will improve compared to MYE. Cause i finally understood the whole structure for sbq. Yeah. I just feel so not used to not bothering about exams anymore. I just go through this cycle of studying all I can, trying my best to finish the whole paper like some zombified mama. Maybe cause there's no more hopes on my results. I dont even have those "I-might-top-this" feelings anymore since June lar. Maybe it's good. Cause everytime when my confidence is high, my results is otherwise. Haha. Low confidence, high marks. Not bad.
*Lord, thank You for going through all these with me. Without You, I would have just give up and stare in the blank space. But You motivated me to finish the paper with all I can. Thank You for being the purpose of my life! (:

"The spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free those who are oppressed," (Luke 4:18)
I came across this Bible verse and many thoughts came into my mind.
(1) Yes, indeed, people are like captives. Captives of the devil, of sin, of worldly things. Like some people are living their lives without a purpose, who have suicidal thoughts just because they hate their lives and who live for others. Kind of sad yeah. I mean, is this kind of life what we should be seeking for? I used to be leading this kinda life. Empty, no purpose, hatred, envy, anything. (Yes I do still envy, but Im trying to stop. (: I mean, God has blessed me with so much, why do I even need to envy people?) And it was because of the Lord, I was called out of darkness into his marvelous light. (:
I do know that my life still hasn't been one that God is pleased with, one that people like to judge and say "Oh no, she's a christian. And she does that?" I mean, hey, Im imperfect too. But Im consistently trying to be a better me, a better child that God is pleased with.
(2) It's difficult to talk to people about God. I mean like people might think Im some religious freak or what. Haha. But sometimes I wish to tell people straightforward that when they are like totally down, hurt, disappointed, happy, anything, there's this God who is totally there for us, who loves us, who never fails. So what are you waiting for? People tend to have the misconception that religion is just something. Like "Yeah, with it or not I'm still way alive." But have you thought of the future? What if one day you really cant hold on and commit suicide? What if the day of judgment comes and you dont even have an idea what is happening? You can like totally collapse and see if the worldly things are there for you lar. See if all your friends and whatsoever people are there. I bet they cant even help themselves up without Him. So here comes the difficult part. I urge that you hesitate no more and accept Him as your saviour.

(Part of) Planetshakers Overwhelmed.
It's Your love that's lifted me
And forever I will sing
Of Your amazing praise
Of Your amazing praise

I'll lift Him up, the King of Glory
I'll praise His name and tell the story
Of His goodness, kindness following me
All the days of my life

*This is all I need Lord. To know that You are with me, guiding me and I dont have to fear or worry anymore. Thank You Lord! (:

I just typed one whole chunk of crap and deleted it. Haha. Cause I felt it was not good to stay stagnant in this stress-me-out zone. So I've decided to clarify some points to myself.
To myself.
1) You know that you didnt do your best but you TRIED to do your best.
2) Your time management sucks.
3) There's something wrong with your hand lar. (I did my SS paper and I couldnt control what I write. I wanted to write the word 'redrawn' and I kept writing 'redrawwwn' or something like that. I hope the invigilator understands my handwriting. Hopefully.)
4) You said that you're handing all your fears to God, but you didnt. You worried.
5) You ought to stop expecting so much of yourself. You have been battling this struggle of I-am-a-mad-person-who-wants-full-marks for so long. When are you going to end it? Im so tired of all your whining.
From myself.
Man, I must be mad. Some schizophrenic case.

Tomorrow's SS and A maths paper! (: 2 more subject books to throw back into the locker. That's what Im looking forward to. Haha. I seriously hope I'd have enough time to finish SS paper. There's like so much to do and my brain has to think fast? And I want to improve on it badly cause' I did badly for my Combined Hum for MYE. Suddenly just have the confidence that I'd be able to catch up the pace. I'd be able to survive through EOY. Yeah. Haha. (:
Anyway, I spent most of my time in class doing those past year papers lar. Esp A maths. The whole class seemed to be either sleeping/ A-maths-ing / wandering around like some lost spirit. Nevertheless, I just hope that the whole class will be able to promote to Sec4 as a class. There's something more meaningful to hope for than hoping for high marks.

*I know I'm at a lost cause. Just tell me what I should be doing.

Narrow Path

Why am I asking myself when I know the answer. Why am I confusing myself even more. Maybe because I cant accept what I should do. Yeah. But Im given a choice whether or not to. And I choose the narrow path, the path where many cant make it along the way, where they are tempted by the worldly things along the way and just stop. Do I really want to be like that? See one person stop and I stop too? No. Im going to walk on. For the reward is just ahead.
*It's difficult for me but Lord, I know You'd lead me on.

RAH! Just when I thought I was going to be finished with SS revision (I mean finish as in finish 2 themes only, Im not going to read all the chapters) , I came across this damn chapter called Diplomacy and Deterrance. Like what the crap. Full of repeated points and some small superficial stuffs also need memorise. I 'enjoy' studying so much.
And yes, I dread waking up now. Once I open my eyes, the first thing that comes to my mind is all the problems I'm facing now. All the confusion, dilemma, anything you name it. I wish I could just sleep and never wake up. Leave me in Aceh or somewhere so that I dont have to come back to study.